Three Babies For Me!

Please Don't Feed the Mom

2010-08-18T20:30:00.000-07:00

You have been warned! I finally got fed up about being over weight and the diets I have tried over the years to shed the pounds. I have never been successful. Since puberty hit I packed on the pounds. Found out my insurance covers the Lap Band procedure, so after lots of fun tests I found out I got approved. My surgery was two weeks ago and finally starting to feel better physically. Still a bit sore at times around the area of my port.

The first week SUCKED!!!!! Not only are you in pain from having surgery but you cannot eat anything. A clear liquid only diet. Which for the first day or two is not a problem cause you feel like shit.

Oh and not only was I recovering from surgery but my damn period who had disappeared for a few months decided it was time to show up two days post op. REALLY!?

My poor husband and kids have really bared the brunt of my antics. I have not been the best person to live with the first week and half. When week two rolled around I was never so damn happy to be able to eat mashed potatoes or scrambled eggs. Yes, I have graduated from clear liquids to mush. I can have baby food! Screw that! I would rather starve. LOL! Oh wait! That's what I'm doing at times. LOL!

So I'm getting into my third week and I can start having over cooked veggies and over ripe melon type foods. Whoo hooo!!!!

Been almost three weeks with no soda and I snapped today. Snagged some soda from a co-worker. OH hell that was wrong to do! I have been burping all day. And the weird thing. The first drink wasn't orgasmic like I thought it would be. It actually felt weird to be drinking soda. (Yes Jason I drank soda...Leave me alone!)

I dream of pastrami sandwich's, pizza, PBJ sandwich, some cheese and crackers. Oh sweet hell!

But I go for a follow up with the doctor on Sat. and will get weighed in. It's so crazy that I don't really feel like a lost any weight. But with my special diet I have to have dropped some weight. Two days post op when I weighed in I was 262 pounds. Bets on how much I have lost in two weeks??

The other negative since this surgery is my stomach has been so distended at times from gas, but not always. But then again my gut has always looked like I was about 5-6 months pregnant. I will not miss my gut, the sooner that mess is gone the happier I will be.

When all is said and done I hope to have lost 100-110 pounds. I'm excited as hell, but it feels weird that I will be shedding all this weight and be "thin". That seems like such a foreign word to me.

So my thin journey begins. Please don't feed the mom.

Connor Update

2010-08-10T19:29:00.000-07:00

It's been almost a month since we announced that Connor was suppose to be off the vent 24/7. Well, there is no update. UGH! Head shaking.

I knew a few months ago there was some confusion on the doctors orders. My understanding was before his July appt he was already suppose to be off his vent 24/7 and that the July appt would be a follow up how is it going. According to our nurse who wrote the orders three months previously he was suppose to be on his vent from 4 am - 8am. And that the doctor didn't write the orders to totally remove him.

Okay, well I didn't read the order so I went with what she said.

Well, this appt Jason forgot a nursing order sheet and verbally told our day nurse the instructions. Normally, this is fine. They write up the order sheet and send it into the doctor.

So, I'm asking the night nurse how he has been doing at night. There were a couple times she said he was low and put him on his vent. Didn't think much of it.

Well a couple weeks ago she tells me she is still putting Connor on the vent from 4-8am.

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ask her why and she says well there was no order for it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!

So basically, Connor has only been off the vent 24/7 about three days a week. Friday morning until the night nurse comes back on Sunday night and 4am rolls around.

Well we have the orders now written and waiting to get them back to take him off the vent 24/7.

Of the time he has spent off the vent 24/7 in our care he has done well with his saturation's. But I'm a little concerned about his heart rate that we will need to discuss with the doctor.

I'm not sure if it's normal for a little kid but in a deep sleep Connor's heart rate goes into the 50's. Is that too low? It is low according to the pulse ox we use and it sets off the alarms every time I spot check him.

Have some more updates later. The girls start school on Thursday. We have not heard from the school regarding Connor so he will start the school year with home schooling.

Ciao!

Connor's Journey

2010-07-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

Well in a little over three months Connor and his sisters will be turning 7. It's amazing how far all three have come since their early arrival at just a day past 25 weeks gestation.

All three had a rough start from intubation, brain bleeds, tons of medications to keep everything going and functioning. Being switched from a regular ventilator to an oscillator and their little bodies shaking from the air trying to be pushed into there undeveloped lungs to get them to expand. We never knew what to expect one day to the next in the NICU with these little ones we had been blessed with. Never knowing if we should rejoice or prepare to plan a funeral for a little life cut short.

Everything was looking good after the first few months and it was looking like we were going to go home with all three of our babies. The full extent of the side effects of their prematurity unknown. That would be tackled as they developed and issues arose. But looking back Connor wasn't keeping up the pace that his sisters were in the NICU. We brought Chloe home in March 2004 and were rejoicing that our babies where finally making the leap to come home. Only to be gut checked not soon after that Chloe may be the ONLY ONE ever coming home.

Not only Connor but Gwynne became life threatening ill and the NICU staff had no idea what was making them sick. In April 2004 they were both diagnoses with Cytomeglovirus AKA CMV. There bodies had already been riddled with various infections and with this we saw the two of them put back on the ventilators again. Even then Connor was not able to maintain healthy oxygen or CO2 levels. Connor's suspected neurological issues went from bad to worse if he survived this illness.

Connor was never able to ween off from the ventilator after this. His O2 and CO2 levels began coming up, but the vent settings weren't coming down. The talk of a trach and transferring him to the PICU began. A few short months later the NICU said he had out grown their care and expertise and need to be cared for by the PICU. So off we went. We fought against the trach, but it got to be too much fighting with the PICU over the large doses of sedation Connor was being given to keep him calm and from pulling out the intubation tube. Not to mention the medication that completely paralyzed him. It is so hard to see your little baby like that. So we signed the paperwork for the trach to be placed.

The first attempt of placing the trach failed. The hospital Connor was at was ill equipped with the things the ENT needed to do the surgery. So one raining day in August of 2004 he was transported by ambulance to Children's Hospital Los Angeles(CHLA). His trach was put in successfully the second time and he was eventually and unfortunately transferred to their vent patient floor from the PICU at CHLA. I say unfortunately as things went to hell again very quickly.

The hospital sent him from the PICU which is one on one or two to one care to a floor with one nurse for several patients (who knows how many the nurse had). They never mentioned this move to us and it happened on a weekend I was out of town and my husband was graduating from school. Basically, NO VISITOR'S for this little guy who had had someone at his bedside 24/7 from the time he was born. I truly feel my baby Bubba felt alone and abandon and he gave up. Which led him to code on the vent floor within 24 hours of being transferred from the PICU.

Our world was falling apart again. Back to the PICU and test after test. It wasn't looking good. Connor's eyes were rolled up in his head he wasn't responding to light, he was swelled up from all the fluids that were pushed into him as well as steroids. Suddenly there where seizures that were not there before. The hospital staff was ignoring them and telling me they were tremors and he has always had those. Momma bear kicked in and neurology was there the next morning. They were screaming for medications STAT to stop his seizures within in seconds of walking up to his bedside. But I thought they were just tremors??!! I never wanted to hug a damn doctor as much as I wanted to that day.

All the tests are in and the doctor wants to set up a meeting with "the team" to go over Connor's prognosis. Crap! This can't be good, I mean we are not blind, stupid or delusional about the situation at hand.

So we get a diagnosis of brain atrophy and that they don't know if it was directly caused by the coding at CHLA or when he was sick in the NICU. In other words don't blame or sue us, it's not our fault. The conversation went to hell in a hand basket with me threatening to punch out the doctor to my right who would NOT SHUT THE FRACK UP. "The Teams" view was that Connor and I quote "was in a vegetative state, living in complete darkness. He would never be able to appreciate life, us, his sisters, etc" There suggestion is that we remove life support and keep him comfortable until he died. Or if we didn't feel comfortable with that they would just wait until an infection came and wouldn't treat him for it. They would medicate to keep him comfortable until the infection took him. The freakin doctor was on repeat with this, hence the threat to knock him out. Which he quickly shut up at that point and security was not needed.

Here we were with an 11 month old son and a really horrible prognosis from the doctors. He was almost a year and fought so hard. Do we let him go and pull his life support? Or do we give him a chance to live? Really no person should EVER have to ponder this for a loved one, let alone their child!

Jason and I saw how well the girls were doing and how they had changed since coming home from the hospital. So we decided Connor needed to come home and get out the hospital environment and we requested and immediate transfer back to the local hospital so we could work on getting him home.

After 15 months of living his life in a hospital Connor came home. I'm not going to lie, we had to jump through hoops and give up any privacy to make this happen. But it was worth it without a doubt. Connor came home with a home nurse since he could not be left alone and would die if he became disconnected from his vent or his trach came out for too long. Seriously, within in seconds of him being disconnected from his vent the boy would start turning blue.

We took him home thinking this was how life was going to be. Never knowing what his brain was capable of. Would his brain tell his body to breath on his own? Were his lungs strong enough? How long would he live? Did we make the right choice for Connor? Or are we making the right choice for us? Are we being fair to the girls with the attention and care Connor will need?

All of these were questions we were asking ourselves over and over.

My goodness the progress Boogie has made over these last several years. He steals every ones heart he comes into contact with. He loves to be touched, cuddled, loved. He doesn't like to be left alone and secluded. He loves when his sisters and cousins play with him. He just beams happiness and unconditional love. I don't care what mood you're in. You can't help but smile and be happy when your around him.

So you have read this far and your asking yourself okay so what's with this walk down memory lane?

This post is show that he is NOT in a vegetative state, he is NOT living in darkness and he is fully able to appreciate his family and the people in his life!

Not only that but as of today he is officially off his vent and no longer needs it. He can do the breathing on his own! His brain is doing what it is suppose to be doing and telling his body what to do. It seems unreal that we are here today. But oh it is so wonderful to rejoice in this major accomplishment!!!!!!

Thank you to all the nurses who have helped us over the years, we couldn't have done it without your help. And to everyone who ever sent out prayers, good thoughts for our family, THANK YOU!

The true test is still coming. Flu season will be upon us, but my mommy gut is telling me that we won't have a big issue with this. I think it is bye bye vent from here on out!

Family Walk + Fractured Arm = Mommy Guilt

2010-07-07T19:40:00.000-07:00

Well Gwynne is in a cast as of today, and I have tons of guilt over it. Well with a lot of people having Monday off for the Holiday and no mail, UPS, Fed-Ex, etc work was slow yesterday. So I got to bail and head home at a decent time. Got home and thought it would be a great idea to walk the dogs and the family to all go. Best of intentions and family bonding at the core.

Both girls ask if they can take their scooters for the walk and being a good mom I told them they could, but they couldn't wear flip flops and had to put on shoes. Well that made Chloe opt out of the scooter situation and ask to walk one of the heathens that we call Vera & Oso. Lil Miss Gwynne pulled on her pink cowboy boots grabbed her scooter and the family was off for a nice evening walk.

Well Chloe tried to walk Vera, while I had Connor in his wheelchair and Jason was being dragged by Oso. Chloe wasn't able to control Vera and Vera basically was walking Chloe. So I took the leash from Chloe and pushed Connor's chair at the same time. We are about 5 houses from home and barely starting our walk.

I hear a crash and cries. Gwynne just ate it on her scooter in a neighbors drive way and she is not getting up. Just laying there crying. My stellar parenting skills kick in cause I'm irritated at this point(yes less then 5 minutes into the family walk). And I tell her she needs to get up I can't get to her while having her brother and the dog. She complains about her arm and I figure she jammed it she'll cry for awhile and be good. So we continue on with our walk.

The family togetherness gets better and better as we walk! Gwynne his holding her arm crying, Chloe is riding the scooter now with her damn flip flops on and Jason is feeling Gwynne is being a bit of a drama queen. Me! I just wanted everyone to SHUT UP! Yet also getting worried that there is something VERY WRONG with Gwynne's arm. UGH!

So we get home from our lovely family evening walk and I head off to the ER for an X-ray with Gwynne. Since getting to the ER all I have been playing over and over in my OCD brain is......

Why? Why did I have to get off of work at a decent time and think it would be a great idea for the whole family to go for walk? Had I worked my normal long overtime filled day none of this would have happened. Seriously! Had I just came home ate dinner put the kids to bed then walked the dogs none of this would have happened.

This has also brought about more worries about Gwynne and her eating habits. Would you expect a fall from a scooter to fracture an arm? This girl will not eat meat. I have to force her to eat just a bite or two. Now that being said. She will eat sausage, bacon, and chicken nuggets(sometimes). Why those items and nothing else? I'm concerned she is not getting enough protein and hence made it easier for this some what small fall to cause her arm to fracture. So do I feed her a ton of sausage and bacon to get the protein in her? She's skinny enough. LOL! I'm thinking she likes shakes and after dinner she needs to start having a protein shake for dessert. I need to figure out a shake that will be high in protein but still allow her to be hungry for regular meals.

I have thought about the garden burgers/meat. But at the same time I don't want to be making special meals for her. Is that horrible? But at this point for her well being I'm thinking I may have to.

Another issue may be calicum. The kids were on high calorie formula for a long time and then went to pedisure instead of milk. Have you ever tasted pedisure or ensure? That is like drinking a sugar laced milk shake. So they think milk taste gross and I have tried over and over to get them to drink regular milk. Thinking of trying Soy or Rice milk with them. Man I remember drinking like 2-3 big glasses of milk a day. Not these kids! When they eat cereal they eat it dry! What is going on this is not normal!!!!!????

This parenting gig really sucks sometimes. So for the next 4-6 weeks I will have a wonderful reminder of what a great mom I am. UGH!

But we will be off to the craft store to get some items to bedazzle the cast.

5 Months Later

2010-04-18T11:32:00.000-07:00

Wow! It has been a really long time. Work has been crazy and with a longer commute to and from I don't have much of a life any more. I should be cleaning my bathrooms right now. Instead I'm sitting her updating the blog.

We had a very nice Holiday and the kids of course made out like bandits. Grandma did reign it in a bit this year, I was really impressed at her restraint. LOL!

Since working so many hours at work and not really being home I took a few days off while the kids where on Spring Break. I took them to Knott's Berry Farm for the day and they had a blast. Boy! Was that a long day. Gwynne wanted to go on the big crazy rides that she wasn't tall enough for. Chloe wanted nothing to do with the scary lookin stuff. Wouldn't even go on the Log Ride. I might have to change my status on the girls. Gwynne may be taking over the extreme dare devil role from Chloe.

Connor has been doing awesome. He still amazes us every day. Jason took him to his pulmonary appt a couple weeks ago. FINALLY! Between us forgetting and the doctor cancelling it had been about 9 months since Connor had seen pulmonary.

Well the sleep study he did probably over a year ago went well. The doctor has started a plan to ween Connor off the vent during the night when he is sleeping. Currently, as long as he was awake he was off the vent with just O2. Now we start out for 2 hours every night while asleep he is off the vent. If he tolerates this then we bump it to 4 hours in a couple weeks. And so on. The doctors plan can have him off the vent as early as June/July.

This is VERY exciting, but scary as heck as well! I never really thought this day would come. But it looks like Connor may be able to get off the vent. We need to talk to the ENT about how to proceed on taking the trach out at the next appt. It's just crazy we are having these conversations.

Summer is fast approaching and we are looking into getting the girls back into some swim classes. Gwynne is doing another session of Cheer leading. She is still bugging for "the black team". Try out are next month for the team. But we are going to keep her in basic for now. Make sure she is going to stay interested, and to give us a bit of time before we have to shovel out the BIG $$$$ for the Elite cheer squad. We will be accepting donations via fundraisers. LOL!

Been thinking about getting some head shots for Gwynne to maybe do some modeling. I don't think I would be comfortable with the acting and things. The whole possible child star scares me. Gwynne does seem to love the camera. LOL!

Chloe really has so no interest in any extra activities lately. She is quickly becoming the gamer like her daddy. Jason and Chloe were in talks about taking a karate class, but nothing has come of it. This is a bit of our fault. Since moving we really have not checked out the City activities for kids like we did previously.

Here are a few pics from the last several months.

My 4 Day Weekend

2009-11-29T21:44:00.000-08:00

How low or non -life do I have when the highlight of my four day weekend was sleeping in until about 9:30am on Thursday & Saturday? Pitiful, just down right pitiful!

Thursday I ate more food in one day then I think I have eaten in a period of two or three days. UGH! But it tasted so dang good! Yet already craving the whole feast again. LOL! Spent lots of good times with family. Played a little pool with hubby and my uncle at my FIL's (Father in law). The kids decorated the Christmas tree Friday night after daddy got home from work. They are VERY excited about Christmas and don't feel we have enough ornaments on the tree.

Saturday we finally got out and got the kids their outfits for Christmas and paid a visit to Santa. The girls were way to cute. They had their list in hand and pictures they had drawn of themselves with Santa. Chloe decided last minute she didn't want to give up her picture to Santa.

Connor decided the noise the photographer was making was too much from him. So we only got one shot of all three with no crying. Poor Boogie! He was really upset and hard to calm down.

Gwynne wanted a picture in front of the Christmas tree just outside Santa's house, and my sis looked over to catch her striking a pose. Gwynne cracked me up as well a few minutes later. As we are walking down to another store there was a very tall attractive black women dressed very nice head to toe. I see Gwynne check her out and turn to check her out again. I'm almost positive she gave the women the up down check out that us women tend to do. I busted out laughing, I'm sure she took mental notes. Six people! She is freakin six!!!!

Well I have hit my wall and know now that 4 straight days of my children is TOO MUCH! I lost it a couple times today with them. UGH! The not listening, talking back, then the Diva who doesn't want to do anything unless cash is involved! Just makes a person want to freakin SCREAM! Yet at the same time I don't want to go back to work! Right back to those 12 hour days...Oh boy I can't wait!

Where the hell have you all been?!?!?!

2009-11-25T17:20:00.000-08:00

I've been right here blogging away! I have no idea what your talking about. Well I will whine a little bit. Working very long hours at the J-O-B, and now that we have a BIGGER house I spend less time on line then ever before. Hence you don't get to have a dose of my wonderful sense of humor as much as before. LOL!

Well the not so Little's turned 6 this month. Was sitting on Gwynne's bed the other day talking to Chloe and I swear she grew over night!

We took the kids to Disneyland on their Birthday. We would be stupid not to really with the whole free on your B-day thing. We had a blast and spent the entire day. It was great to have an entire week day with the kids and not want to kill one or more of them. Now my mother, husband, or step dad on the other hand. KIDDING!!! Though grandma did get in a little trouble about 10 minutes into the park and the first ride.

Gwynne has been doing cheer leading one night a week and had a little performance. Now she wants to be on the All-Star team who does all those crazy flips and basket toss'. Little miss Diva was SUPER cute and rocked it. I was a bit surprised as she does the shy thing to the extreme so much. We asked Chloe if she wanted to do cheer with her sister. We got a resounding "NO", "I just want to watch the football" LOL! There has been talk of Chloe and daddy taking some karate lessons. Which the last time it was brought up Chloe proceeded to karate kick Jason in his shin. ROFLMBO!!!!!! Guess he should consider himself lucky it wasn't his nads!

As always I'm ill prepared for the Holidays. But what's new. Kids still don't have their Christmas outfits yet, no pictures done. I figure the week before Christmas we will be getting pictures and begging Maryann(CDI Portraits) for our Christmas cards to hand out to everyone on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. LOL! Cause that's how I roll!!!! :P

I have four fun filled days off to spend with my family, or on the Internet when they start driving me bonkers. I'm not sure what I will do with myself having all that free time. Wonder if I can squeeze out one day of not getting out of bed?? Hey a girl can dream!

Oh and Gwynne has not dyed her hair or asked about it any more.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! Remember to enjoy your family now, they may not be there tomorrow.

P.s. SPELL CHECK!!!!!

To Dye or Not to Dye???

2009-10-12T12:55:00.000-07:00

That be the question people! Since anyone who reads this blog or knows me I come from the school of far less then stellar parenting. So I figured since hubby and I are on different sides of this issue. I would see what the public has to say about what we should do. See this is the stellar parenting on my part I'm talking about.

So we have a near 6 year old Diva going on 20 some days. Her newest fixation seems to be the lovely and talented Selena Gomez . Well she has been asking for her hair to be like Selena's. I just figured at first that she wanted it straight, since I have done this with her before. On a few occasions, nothing on a regular basis. There is one slight change. She wants her hair dark like said "actress".

Hubby is an adament NO!, well lets say "HELL NO!"And pretty much pissed that I was entertaining the idea. My look at it is this. Let her express herself now instead of when she is 20 something. Just use a semi-permanent color/wash. It's just hair it will grow back or wash out in 20 or so washes. It is not like she is 6 asking for hot pink hair and a mohawk. Wait, that will probably be Chloe and the mohawk will be green or something. BTW Connor has a little fo-hawk that Auntie did for him. Which hubby kinda had an issue with as well. And he says I'm the one getting too consertive in my old age.

What do you think? Would you do it? Why or why not? Are we starting to early with this stuff? And if we do it, are we setting up for bigger issues down the road?? Or letting her realize that within some reason she can freely express herself while under our stellar authority??

Should I sign the consisten for my 10 year old to get her first tattoo??? }:)

Picture Day!

2009-09-10T15:13:00.000-07:00

Here are just a few of my favorite pictures to share.

Remembering Nicki!

The Ladies who keep me sane.

"I HATE YOU, YOUR RUINING MY LIFE!"

2009-09-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

Yep! I had that shouted at me last night at bed time! Well not the ruining my life part, but the look was there. It is only a matter of time. **SIGH**

Do I have to state again they are not yet 6?!?! Close, but not yet! Even then, isn't this WAY to young for them to be starting this?

If your wondering, it is the same child who was caught in the closet kissing a boy! (Chloe) UGH!

Dealing with this now at such a young age, what the hell are the teenage, hormone driven years going to be like? CALGON!!!!!! Yeah right! Like that stuff really works. You would be hearing of a hell of a lot of moms just disappearing. LOL!

But really, I was taken a back that this came so quickly. Am I too naive? Is this normal at this age? They pick up the "I hate you" now and add "your ruining my life" in their teenage years? Or should I be expecting it much sooner.

Should I beat their ass now when they say this?? LOL! (Don't report me! It's a joke, you know ha ha funny funny)

How times have changed! I don't remember ever saying anything like this to my mother until I was a teenager. I'm not saying I never thought it, but I don't recollect verbalizing it until a much later age.

Well me being......well.....ME! I had to have the last word. As I left her room I told her:

"You may hate me. But I love you with all my heart, and it hurts me to hear you say that."

YES! STELLAR PARENTING!!!!!! Mom of the year award is mine! MINE! ALL MINE!!!!! (Insert evil laugh)

Say A Prayer!

2009-08-27T15:43:00.000-07:00

Well we were just notified of some new sucktastic law in Kalifornia. Seems that the Regional Centers(RC) can now only give a family 30 hours a month of respite care max. This is a HUGE cut back off our monthly hours we get for Connor from the RC.

Oh and to make it even better. This is effective two weeks ago. No, hey your hours are going to be reduced so get something else lined up for your medically fragile, severe handicapped son. So now the nursing company who supplied us with nurses for the hours we were given are now out the money they would have billed and have to eat the cost and pay the nurses who worked the time. And now we are scrambling.

Some nurse from RC is on her way out for a home visit to see if they can make a special consideration and give us more hours. So basically, the law exists yet there is a work around. And NO need what so ever to cut our respite hours so drastically immediately with no notice.

You wonder why the State of Kalifornia is in such a financial crisis?? Let me shed a little bit of light of why for you.

We were formally residents of one county in the state and moved to another county. Just about all State services Connor gets we had mailings of applications that we had to fill out AGAIN! He is almost 6 and had these services since he came home. You can't transfer this info and his services from one county to another??? His medical conditions and handicapped have not changed in the slightest because we moved.

But evidently there are different standards for each county. Are you freaking kidding me?? You all are getting your money from the same place, why would you have different qualifications??? And why would you waste the paper, postage, man hours in sending out applications that ask for ALL the same information, besides an address change that is already on record. SERIOUSLY!

Oh and it is summing up that the State of Kalifornia would rather my husband or myself quite or jobs, stop paying those extra taxes and all the other money they take from our paychecks and apply for other "services" in order for our family to make it.

Really! I feel guilty as it is for the nursing hours we get, and kinda stupid for bitching right now. But I don't care. I don't want to be nor do we strive to be one of those people sitting around waiting for a check from the government to support our kids.

But you know what??? It was NEVER our choice. If we wanted to bring our son home we had to have a certain number of nursing hours, otherwise Connor goes to a convalescent hospital for kids and when my insurance stops paying and we can't pay, he then becomes a ward of the state and I lose my son. Nice! Real fuckin nice!

Pre-Mid Life Crisis??

2009-08-21T16:57:00.000-07:00

My birthday seems to be fast approaching. DAMN IT! Can you have a pre-mid life crisis?? Is it like a pre-teen / tween thing for adults?? I'm like stuck in that I'm not 20 something any more, yet not an old lady (of course despite the grey I try to cover up)

I'm noticing my skin is not as supple and smooth as it once was. Shocker! I'm realizing I actually need to start using some type of moisturizer now on a regular basis. Never needed to before. How the hell does this shit happen?? One week you don't need lotion, then the next if you miss a day your like some ashy nasty thing walking around. I don't feel old, still feel like a total immature shit head. Come on life's too short not to giggle at a fart or if someone says something that can be totally dirty, but was meant totally straight. ALRIGHT! I'm a grown adult with a Beavis & Butthead mentality. SO WHAT! Your just fucking jealous! :P

I have kind of known for awhile that I really have no life. Which was always in the back of my head, but really came rushing forward recently. Am I getting caught up in the "you have to have it all" mentality?? I have a beautiful, somewhat healthy, catch us on the right day happy family. That should be enough, right? Then why isn't it? And the sad thing.....I don't even know what it is that I feel I'm missing.

What I do know is I hate that I'm socially inept. Is there a class or something to take for that? Really, it's a life skill you either have or you don't. And it is scaring the shit out of me that I may be setting my kids up for the same shit.

I'm tired. Tired of being fat, tired of being tired and no energy. Tired of being a lazy ass. Tired of having sucktastic time management. Tired of being depressed, stressed. I feel like a walking fucking pharmacy some days with all these damn aliments and pills to take for them.

So where does that leave me?? I pull up my boot straps and get through another day in hopes tomorrow will be better. In hopes I'm not totally fucking up my kids and hopefully doing something right. That they will be better people then I have been.

Shouldn't one have a somewhat clear view of who the hell they are? I really have no clue who I am as a person. When you front for so long and bend to everyone else I don't think you ever can or will have a true self. Who is Amy? Fuck if I know.

I think I need a fucking therapist for my birthday! LOL!

Let the HEADACHE BEGIN!!!!

2009-08-08T22:33:00.000-07:00

So when should the boy trouble begin? Approximately what age now a days do you need to have the sex talk with your kids?

So my BFF and her fam are in town for a few days and spent most of yesterday with us and spent the night. Last year we were in Idaho to visit them over the 4th of July weekend. And my BFF captured a picture of Gwynne and her youngest (who happens to be about 6 months older then the trio)walking down the road hand in hand.

AAWWWWWW! Such sweet innocent love!

Now lets jump a little over a year later. Said boy in above picture was caught in Chloe's closet with her. Two six year olds what could they be doing?!?!?!?!

Can you guess? I won't even make the first guess count.

FOR THE LOVE OF BATMAN!!!!!!!!

They were in there kissing each other! DOH!

My BFF son tell us when asked what was going on. "She was kissing me" Now not much of a surprise as Chloe had gotten into a bit of trouble last school year for kissing a boy on the bus.

So we ask him to elaborate and where did she kiss him? He points to his cheeks and forehead. And we ask him if he was kissing her? Which he promptly says "NO!"

GUILTY! Oh so GUILTY!

So we let a little time go by. And then I ask Chloe. Did "A" kiss you? She gets all shy and covers her mouth with her hand. Something she does when she is embarrassed about something, and nods her head.

REALLY?!?!?!

And where was "A" kissing you???????/

OMFG!!!!!!!

Without hesitation she points to her LIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMFG!!! OMFG!!! OMFG!!! OMFG!!!!!

THEY ARE FUCKING SIX YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So being the stellar parents that my BFF and I are......... (LOL!!!!!) We are headed to a friends wedding later in the day. We tell them they now have to get married. And while we are at our friends wedding they will be getting married as well with them. ( I told you we are totally mom of the years!!!! Don't even TRY to be like us!)

So my BFF and her fam take off a few hours before us to help set up. I start to get the kids ready. As I'm drying Chloe's hair we have a bit of a heart to heart.

She tells me she can't get married. She isn't a TEENAGER!!!!!! WTF! You better be waiting a bit longer then that. Any one got a heads up on a bomb shelter I can build and put her ass in??? She is just a kid, she can't get married. (THANK YOU JESUS!!!!! She does have a brain in her head! LOL!

In comes some more STELLAR parenting on behalf of my BFF and I! ROFL! So we are BFF's, we refer to each other with our kids as "Auntie". Enter my WAY to smart for her own good daughter in self reflection after the "marriage" talk. "We can't get married he is my cousin" PEOPLE! Had I been drinking anything at the time it would have come FLYING the hell out of my nose!!!!!!!

My response: " WEEEELLLLLLLLL.......He isn't REALLY your cousin." Some how I didn't want my sweet not so innocent child thinking she was being some backwards cousin lovin' white trash girl. So basically, in one sentence I told her it was okay to mac all over "A"!!!!!!

S-T-E-L-L-A-R!!!!! Stellar parenting!

I'm going to be teaching classes in stellar parenting. If your interested and want to sign up. Go to youradumbass.com.

Driving!

2009-08-06T17:50:00.000-07:00

Since I'm on a role of bitching. Can we talk about two lane driving?? So we moved kind of to BFE back in June. Lots of open desert between places and a two lane highway used to get home.

Now! It's not like this town is a population of say 500. It has a good amount of people living there. To where there is no way in hell your going to know everyone by name. NOT EVEN CLOSE! Not to mention the traffic of people traveling.

Yes there are no street lights in big chunks of this highway. But do you really need to put your brights on?? NO! Especially if your about a car and half length behind someone else! And oh say there are about 6-7 cars including a semi or two on the patch of road with you. Not to mention that about every 30 seconds or so there is a group of the same coming in the opposite direction to you???? So much traffic on a steady flow that you can't even use the second lane to pass someone in the same lane as you????

Is it me? Am I missing something here??? Isn't your brights used when your out in the middle of no where and it's just you and maybe a car you might come upon once in a great while??? Do I have the wrong driving etiquette? Am I the ass???

And did I miss the re-naming of the pass?? Is it now "Your Own Personal Speedway"? Really, 90 -100 miles an hour up or down the mountain??!?!?! You have lost your damn minds! And you are on the fast track to loosing your life as well. Not to mention who the hell has that kind of money to be burning with the cost of gas!!!!

PEOPLE! PEOPLE! Stop using your damn brights and risking not only your life but those who are sharing the road with you!

Cerebral Contusion

2009-07-27T17:22:00.000-07:00

Anyone? Anyone at all? Yeah, until today I had no idea what the hell this was. But I gots it! The info on a cerebral contusion in case you are like me and never heard of it. This is what worries me. "The swelling is worst at around four to six days after the injury." I already feel like ass, trouble talking to people. Which has worked just wonderfully while at work today. Talking and thinking with this just doesn't happen. And I'm just about 24 hours out from the injury. I'm suppose to go back on Friday and feel better. How is that possible if I'm going to be right in the time frame of the WORST SWELLING?!?!?!?!

That being said if I don't feel any better then I do now come Friday he will order a scan. Which seems like a pity scan. I swear I think my doctors feel I'm a hypochondriac. Okay, well I am a little as I'm getting older, but he is the one who pointed out the HUGE lump on the back of my head. How the hell do you fake that shit?

And I found out from another article on-line while my well edited rant from last night happened and why I TOTALLY lost it at bath time. Seems agitation and/or irritability is part of the symptoms.

Those of you who don't know I'm sure are asking how the hell did this happen? The freakin DOG!!!! Had a dog at my feet, got up from the couch and the dog jumped up between my legs knocking me off balance. All my weight (COW - MMMMOOOOOOOOOOO!) was already heading in one direction and I kind of jumped into it to make sure I landed on the couch. Instead of the dog and/or toys and crap that were on the floor. Well I made it alright! Bounced the back of my head with hair clip on the arm of our sectional. Kind of blacked out as I fell. Probably cause my body knew this was not going to be good. So my Orca ass crashed on the couch cracked my head just about open. What about the hair clip you say?!?! What clip? I was pulling little pieces out of my curly hair afterwards.

I guess I should feel lucky it didn't get logged into my head? I mean if you want to look at the piece of shit cup as half full and all. And better for me to be injured who has medical insurance then some big expensive vet bill from a dog with a cracked skull, broken legs, ribs and who knows possibly what else had I went straight down. I did say I'm a whale right? Would the poor dog even had survived? Then I would have to live with killing our dog and my kids hating me and reminding me that there fat mom fell on and killed their dog.

Is it bad that I'm slightly pissed that fall didn't get caught on video? That had to have been some funny crap to see. Nothing cool and beautiful like a whale breaching the water. But more like a total spaz who shouldn't be allowed to move around without her crash helmet and bubble wrap on!

Kid's Handbook or Mother's Handbook

2009-07-26T17:21:00.000-07:00

In who's handbook is it writen that I cannot go into a bathroom and be alone to handle what ever business I may need to attend to? That the only place on this earth I can catch a few moments alone is the bathroom at work.

Your kids can't hear you when you tell them to pick up their mess, brush your corn teeth, let the dog out, rinse their plates. HOWEVER, they can be fully involved in anything anywhere in the house and they hear the quiet subtle click of the bathroom door closing and come running!

Suddnely there are pressing questions that just can't wait and where never thought of until that click was heard.

"Mom? How come the sky is blue? Can I come in? What are you doing? Will you play with me?" Seriously?!?! Did I tell you I had the BEST shower this Saturday at my sisters? Yep! I got to take a full shower uninteruppted. I can't even say when the time before that was.

There other thing that needs to be revised. Why if a child is in limb reach of you they must have a hand, foot what ever on you for NO APPARENT reason? Can I just sit on the couch in peace once in awhile. And can I have my "Personal space"? If their isnt' a limb then I have a kid attached to my side, sometimes both.

I'm not practicing staking my tomatoes! Go be free! "This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine." I thought everyone knew this!

I need to know whose handbook this is written in find it and edit it! As I sit now I have two feet on me going back and forth between my arm and the computer. UGH! I'm about to loose my freaking mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so beyond TIRED!!!!!!!

2009-07-10T21:54:00.000-07:00

Where to start! I have been working 11-12 hours every day at work, add commute time and I'm gone for about 14 hours a day Mon-Fri. Boy that pay check this week was nice, but I have not seen my family. I'm burned out and don't want to go to work. All this overtime and I'm still not caught up and will be doing the same again come next week.
That all being said. This means no I'm not unpacked. There are tons of boxes in my garage needing to be unpacked. A ton of laundry still to be done. Where is my Fairy Godmother? Cause the cat box needs to be cleaned the floors mopped, pictures hung. I could kiss my nurse that vaccumed the downstairs this morning and swept my kitchen.
Is it bad that I don't remember the last time my kids had a bath? Let alone the last time I gave them a bath? And there breath!!!!! OMFG!!!! KICKIN, doesn't even begin to explain it. There toothbrushes and toothpaste are unpacked. So, why? Why are their teeth not getting brushed? UGH! Can I make them each drink a bottle of Scope??? Or is that child abuse/endangerment?
I need like one full weekend of just sleep. Is that possible?? I wish!

FAIRY GODMOTHER WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?

All moved in!

2009-06-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

For the most part that is! :-). And our first mortgage payment is due Aug 1! LOL! I'm surround by boxes and unable to park our cars in the garage because of more boxes. My kitchen is unpacked and that is about it. Yet for some strange reason I have yet to cook in my new kitchen!

Sorry pics are before flooring was put in.

In about 4 days of being moved in the girls managed to put a hole in the wall on the staircase and a big gash/dent on the landing of the staircase, UGH! It seems they have found a new use for their step stool. Which BTW is now taken away for the time being. They are launching toys down the stair case. Also standing on the stool on the 2nd floor dropping toys and who knows what else over the ledge. Head shaking!

So after this weekend we will be completely out of our old place. Have some yard toys that didn't make it in the truck and toys that the kids are too old for I need to run to the hospital and donate for their play room.

I hope to have most of the house unpacked by the end of the weekend and get some groceries in this house as well. Money has been flying out with us eating out so much for the last week. But we kind of knew that was gonna happen. But everyone is off schedule and we need to get back into the routine.

Check back for some more photos. Gwynne's room is all painted and done and we should have Connor and Chloe's done hopefully next weekend.

Lots to catch up on!

2009-06-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

I kind of abandoned the blog for a bit. Things happen I guess. Well we are officially home owners as of last week. Next weekend is the big move. Doing some painting in the kids rooms today. I'm very excited about owning a home, but scared to hell as well. I think it is all the changes that are going to come with this move. But we will roll with the punches and enjoy our new home.

The kids will each have their own rooms. Not sure how well this is going to work with the girls. They seem excited, but they have shared a room since the day they came home. So I expect to find an extra body in one room or the other after we move in.
Packing SUCKS!!!! Only made worse by I have had to work a lot of extra hours at work. So Jason has had to kind of pick up the slack and do a lot of the packing. But I think we are on track to be ready for the move.

All of this compounded by me just being plain flat exhausted! Saw the doc and he thinks it could be my thyroid. Last blood test I guess it was okay but barely. So I may be adding another pill to my daily's. GREAT! I have really lost my spunk lately, so hopefully I will get that back way sooner then later.

Ok this post is really boring so I will leave it at that for now.

What Crap!

2009-05-11T15:20:00.000-07:00

I have been part of a Triplet board(Was gonna put the link in but SCREW THAT!) pretty much since day one of finding out we were having triplets. The owners/mods are pretty non existent and have no clue what is going on around the boards. That is until someone sends them a message. WTF!

We all understand that sometimes the smaller person needs to be protected. I'm all for that. But you can only protect them so much. How many times do they get to kick around and stir up trouble for the more active long standing members??? How supportive can you be with excuse after excuse?

The situation did get out of hand. But when people's frustration is that high things are going to escalate.

I know a good part of what this person is going through. But don't get the reactions. Both my husband and I worked full time and had two of the three at home. We busted our ass to get our son home. A convalescent was never an option, and we did everything we needed to do. Jumped through every hoop the hospital wanted us to. Did we like it, no! But we understood why and knew it was best for Connor.

There have been more times then not that I didn't feel like I quit fit in on this triplet board. My situation was very different then everyone there. But I digested everything that was said. These parents had already paved the way for me, more of an expert then I was having triplets.

But I guess it comes down to who you are as a person. I don't like people telling me I can't do something, and I hate authority and love to make my own path and not be a sheep. I know what needs to get done and I do it. I suck it up and just freakin do it! There is no time for pity and crying about it. Everyone has their own problems in life and you don't need to make yourself one of their problems. Do your shit, do what is right by your family and eat a little crow if you have to in order to make that happen.

So I'm done. I'm not on this board that much anymore since the kids are older. But the people on the board really helped me through a very tough time with my kids. I was hoping to pay it forward. But this is the second time the owner has slapped me in the face. One too many times if you ask me.

And here I was trying to figure out if I was going to pay through the nose to go to the convention. Thank you Janet for making the decision for me! The answer is not just "NO!" but HELL NO!!!!!

Easter

2009-05-11T08:22:00.001-07:00

I'm a Loser Baby!!! So why don't ya kill me!!!

2009-04-02T15:42:00.000-07:00

Alright not the best title, but.....WHATEVER!!! It has been a very stressful time for me. I really thought I was about to lose it that week after Gwynne and my grandmother were in the hospital. I got my first anatomy test back and it wasn't good. Missed a passing low C by three points. Totally defeated. Then had to stay late and get caught up at work and try to study for the next test coming up. Add to that landlord and money issues.

UGH! I was living on Pepsi and pills pretty much at this point trying to keep it together. And that was failing fast!

So I wussed out and dropped my anatomy class. I was not prepared for what it was going to take to pass this class. And it was the only thing I had in my control to get rid of some stress.

I have not been this stressed out since the kids where born, dropped about 20lbs without knowing it or trying. And now I feel like a failure cause I couldn't take or pass this class at the moment.

Well Gwynne is home and doing well. She did end up with a middle ear infection this week, but otherwise back to normal. Grandma is pretty much back to herself, a little slower moving around then before.

I'm not going to class, but it still feels like I'm never home at night. I think I need a life coach. Doubt it would work, but worth the shot I guess. Something to get me on track again.

I have and adult weekend coming up and I'm excited and stressed all at the same time. How stupid is this?! But I think after a couple Black & Tans all might be right in my world for a bit. LOL! Who's the DD again on this trip??

HAZZAH!!!!

It's Friday Night just before 11pm......

2009-03-13T22:54:00.000-07:00

What are you doing???

I'm getting old.....all I can think about right now is do I go to sleep or run down to the hospital cafteria and grab a Tollhouse chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich and a soda.

What happen to those nights were 11pm and the night was just getting started?? Just finished up dinner and some drinks with friends and off to the club for some more drinks and dancing??

Oh! That's right.....forgot about the part of being married and a mom of triplets!

What is your life coming to when you long for a soft comfy bed about 11pm on a Friday or Saturday cause you know your gonna be lucky if the monley's let you sleep past 8am!

But enough about my wants and desirees! Not only am I too old for that stuff anymore, but the tollhouse ice cream sandwiches have added WAY too much weight to this body!!!!!

There was a time that my thighs didn't rub together, and the friction didn't cause the cotton to tear and thin in that area. I didn't look 4-5 months pregnant, heck I didn't really have a stomach, even for being a bit over weight.

See there I go again.

Gwynne is stable. On 1 1/2 liters of O2 and breathing treatments now every 4 hours instead of every 3.

If she can hang on 1 liter tomorrow with no issues, I think I will be pushing for her to come home on Sunday with oxygen. There is no need for us to stick around until the ween her completely off. The girl has her very own O2 tank at home still. And this chair that fold out into a "bed" just ain't cutting it, nor is the towel they refer to as a pillow. I'm so ticked that I forgot to bring my own pillow tonight after stopping at home.

Will update later with any news. Hope everyone is having some type of fun somewhere! ;-P

Update

2009-03-12T15:49:00.000-07:00

Well things got bad after my post last night. Gwynne ended up on 4 1/2 liters of O2 and still had a bit of trouble keeping stats at 94-95. There was talk of moving to ICU and having her breathing treatments every two hours instead of the current every three hours. Basically, hospital procedure is no one on 4 liters or more of oxygen is suppose to be on the Pediatric floor, only ICU. Had they decided to do treatments every two hours her butt would have been in ICU for sure.

We had lots of destats on 4 1/2 liters and had to keep her position very specific to keep her stats up. FUN TIMES!!! When is the last time you tried to get a 5 year old to sleep sitting up, head back slightly and not pull out the O2 while she slept. EXACTLY!!! Oh and every three hours she thought she was being attacked by the breathing mask for her treatment cause the poor thing was so damn tired.

Last night scared the crap out of me! I had visions of the last time she was like this and ended up pooping out in the ICU entubated and on a vent for about two weeks. You think this would a be a little easy with all the crap these kids have gone through and I have watched. But it seems to get harder. They are older now, they know what the hell is going on. Every time Gwynne's alarm would go off for low stats she would ask "momma, what does that mean?"

And recently Gwynne has also been asking about all of the scars she has and what happened and why. Gut wrenching to say the least.

She is now at 2 liters of O2 since this morning and doing well, just tried to put her down to 1 1/2 liters and about 5 minutes later we are back to 2 liters. Trying to get her to nap since about 3pm, but it seems I picked a bad time. Just as she was dozing off it was time for another treatment and for the nurse to do vitals.

My baby girl has dark circles under her eyes and needs some sleep. I could use a nap and a long hot shower myself at this point.

*Pics were taken yesterday before things went a bit south.

Hospital....such a filthy word!

2009-03-11T21:18:00.000-07:00

I have had my fill of hospitals in the last four days! I have been AWOL lately since I started my anatomy class trying to figure out studying and keeping up with my "other" stuff. Currently that means this blog and all the blogs I love to read. UGH!

But guess what! I had my first huge test in anatomy on Tuesday that I think I may have passed by the skin of my teeth. Not sure if I will find out tomorrow or next week on Tuesday. So a bit of a sigh of relief.

As I'm stressing over said test and studying my rear off this past weekend my cousin calls me. Grandma is in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. FRACK!!!! Heart in the stomach about ready to puke. Well grandma had a stroke the women is 86 years old and going some what strong. Scared the death out me and kind of slapped us in the face just how fragile she is. And I hate that she is a bit far from us, not really but with my schedule it can be very difficult to find time, there is so much to get done on a weekend. And she is just far enough that we can't really go down during the week after work. So I have this tremendous guilt of the complete lack of time I have spent with her over the last year. Well grandma is doing fine. She will not need any physical therapy, fairly small stroke and she can walk as normal and full range of motion. She still has some confusion, but hell the women is 86!

Oh but the fun does not freakin stop there!!!!!!!Gwynne is hacking up a lung yesterday and tells me she doesn't feel well. No fever figure yet another cold for this season of many and send her off to school. Now lets fast forward to this morning. I awake to a child in my bed with purple lips, breathing fast & retractions. You have got to be kidding me! Put her on the pulse ox, just before it dies, it says 88. This is not good! All her other colds she has been able to hold her stats while hacking up a lung. Breathing treatments only got her up to the low 90's and that was spotty. Well we are sitting in the hospital now started out on 1 liter of O2 this morning we are now up to 2 liters. Chest x-ray shows no pneumonia, so it's looking like exhausterbation. GOOD TIMES!!!

But hey, it's been just a bit shy of 2 years since her last hospital stay and according to the latest x-ray some of her scaring from the Chronic Lung Disease seems to have cleared up and looks better!

Basically this sums up to, I have missed the last three days of work, spent the last four days in two different hospitals, and have finger, toes, legs, arms and anything else I can freakin think of crossed that I passed by first anatomy test. I will dance a jig if I pull a 'C', if I get a 'B' I might just do cartwheels! But not holding my breath after I screwed up one of the essay questions and didn't write another one of the four possible essay questions cause I didn't think he would use it. SURPRISE!!!!!

And my night is just getting better. Gwynne has drifted off to sleep and can't hold her stats over 90 asleep on 2 freakin liters!!!! I do NOT want a trip to the freakin PICU!!!!

But one awe moment before I go. We talked to Chloe on the phone today. She told me to get Gwynne and come home cause she misses us. She barely finished the sentence before she started to cry. Made me sad, but gave me that warm fuzzy feel at the same time.

Off to get a nurse and RT in here for my baby girl!

STRESSED Out!!!

2009-02-20T17:32:00.000-08:00

I'm freaking out! I just completed my first week of school, taking my anatomy class. For the love of BATMAN!!!!!! Class is two days a week FIVE hours each night, and I need to do a MINIMUM of 12-15 hours of studying for this one class every week!!!

I'm scared I won't pass this class, yet I'm excited as all hell over this class. It is weird. Why did it take me so long to figure out that I had a knack for this? Let's hope my brain doesn't let me down.

Now lets add in a minimum of 50 hours of work a week, family, and sleep. You get the picture! I won't even bring in the state of the Nation that has me stressed out. Stressed and scared is really an under statement with the financial "crisis" we are in.

Which leads me to the people not sucking it up! I'm sick of people with their dang hands out, expecting everyone else to pay their way. The entitlement of a lot of people drives me through the roof. How the hell did these people get like this? How do you weed them out of the people who truly need help?

I don't mind the programs in place to help people in need, if they are REALLY in need. Hard times hit people. But everyone seems to have their hand out right now. Where do you draw the line?

If I had more finesse and could lie out my ass to people I should go into politics. LOL! Is there anyone out there who is straight forward and out for the best interest of us as a Nation or State?

I'm tired of busting my ass and doing WHAT EVER it takes to make it in life and have nice things, and other people are not like that. I have to give up "luxury's" that I have earned and worked for so other people can sit on their rear and have everything I do? Imagine if everyone busted their ass to take care of themselves? HOLY COW!! What has happen to the work ethic in this country?

We get some state assistance for my son via medical. But it is mandatory. If I want my son home with us and not in an "institution" we have to have nursing hours, which my insurance only has a one time pay out that we already used. I feel guilty as all get out that we get these benefits. It helps us tremendously, as if we didn't two things would happen. One, my husband would have to stop working and we would be come dependent on more state programs for our family to survive. Or I would have to give up my son to the state who would institutionalize him pending a foster home in which they would be paying out for nursing as they do for us now and pay more out of pocket while he was in a "home".

I'm the first to admit my kids are spoiled to all hell. But you know what they are going to now they have to work for crap, things are expected of them. People stop coddling your darn kids! Oh it might hurt their feelings....W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R!!!!!! That is not how life is, prepare your children for life, don't protect them away from it.

Alright I will get off my soapbox now. Talk amongst yourselves. Is there some way we can start a commune of sorts?? LOL!

Let me go figure out now if I can feed my family normal food or if it is top ramen and PB&J for everyone!

Bleeding Heart

2009-02-09T18:37:00.000-08:00

Yep! That is me! Only been a little over 48 hours since Jason took the dog back. I'm sick to the pit of my stomach and feel guilty as hell. I cried more then the girls did on Saturday. I have done nothing but think about him. We had some thunder and it has been raining since Thursday. So all I can think is he is in some cage cold, scared, sad and wondering why we don't love him.

Dang it! Already starting to tear up. I think this will be the third time I have cried today! It took all my restraint not to call the shelter and check on him, and not run over there on my lunch to steal a peek at him.

They claim they are a no kill shelter. Anyone know how to confirm that, rather then just taking their word?

I did the right thing for my family and those who help care for my kids, right?

For the love of Pinocchio I'm an emotional wreck! Gwynne has been telling me that she misses Maestro, and that she woke up last night and saw a dog in the house. UGH!

I couldn't take him so the girls and I said our good-bye's at the house and Jason took him. My mom, sis & I took the girls to go pick out their Valentine cards and did a little shopping. When we got home they immediately asked where the dog was.

Just a gentle reminder that we talked about this already and they were good. I guess they were not as attached to the dog as I was. But then again the promise of getting another dog maybe what is holding it off. I don't know.

If any one in the Los Angeles area reads this and knows someone who wants a dog with a great personality and lovable as all hell and doesn't have a lot of people coming and going out of their house and wants a bit of a guard dog. He is the one for you! I will tell you where to find him.

What kind of mess am I gonna be in if one of my cats ever dies?!?!?!

It is times like this that I feel having no connections and just yourself to worry about is the best freakin way to go.

Jason wants to get a puppy ASAP. I'm not sure what I want. But I worry if we wait to long I will not allow another dog in the house for my own selfish reasons.

BTW - The cats are happy as freakin can be! At least someone is I guess.

Dog Drama!!!

2009-02-06T21:49:00.000-08:00

This past Tuesday was two weeks that we have had Maestro. There have been a few instances that have raised an eyebrow of Jason and I. We are both totally torn and had a decision to make. It is freakin awful and hard to figure out. I still don't know if we are making the right decision.

So here is the situation. Chloe is ALWAYS in the dogs face, doesn't really know how to play toys with him. She squeeks his toy and then holds it over her head and makes him jump. She thinks it is funny. We have to yell at her to throw the toy. She even pulls his tail and he does nothing.

That being said, he has freak out moments. First moment, he is sleeping on the floor and Gwynne gets down off the couch and he jumps and barks at her and lunges. We kind of let it go thinking she might have stepped on him or startled him.

Second situation, I'm snuggling with Connor on the couch. Connor has his O2 mask on and is gurggling. When he has his O2 mask over his trach you can hear him breathing for sure, and some mucous back there and you hopefully get the point. Maestro came up and sat next to us. A couple minutes later Maestro is growling and barks at Connor. We put him down and discipline him. About 5 minutes later he is back up with us and I'm careful and have Connor pet him. A few minutes later again he growls and barks and lunges for him. Scared the shit out of us. Any other time he has been around Connor he has been on his vent, not much noise compared to his O2 mask.

Now we come to last night. Sigh! Our weekly night nurse shows up. Maestro is fast asleep on the couch. The nurse didn't close our gate and came in really quiet into the house. She was standing in the entry way/kitchen. Maestro comes flying off the couch barking at her. Normally he meets her at the door all happy and jumps up for attention. So I thought he will chill once he gets her scent. He gets to her feet and plants his front paws and has his hind in up and is barking aggressive. She backs up and I get up and I'm yelling at him. He lunges forward and keeps on. I pull him away and he calms down. So I think it is over. We are all in the kitchen at this point. She turns to walk away and he sniffs her pants and the top of her rubber rain boots and starts the barking thing again. UGH!

After all this he comes and lays down close to me, on my lap really and falls back to sleep. He doesn't bother her again. Then we are getting ready for bed and if I move the dog moves, he is my total shadow. The rubber boots are sitting just in side the kitchen by our water cooler. He spots them and jumps toward him and barks a couple times. I yell at him and he backs off. So was it the boots?

So....do we give him more time to settle in. Or cut the stings now? I'm so freakin torn. I don't want to wait until he does bite someone. But at the same time I don't think he will.

Well we error on the side of caution for our kids. I don't know how the hell this is going to go down with the girls. Especially Chloe. There is no way we can run out and get another dog. Money wise we have spent a lot already on this dog in two weeks. There is no way we can dish out for a puppy like Jason wants to do and pay for all the first shots. Plus we still have to pay the last installment of our pet deposit

This past Tuesday was two weeks that we have had Maestro. There have been a few instances that have raised an eyebrow of Jason and I. We are both totally torn and had a decision to make. It is freakin awful and hard to figure out. I still don't know if we are making the right decision.

So here is the situation. Chloe is ALWAYS in the dogs face, doesn't really know how to play toys with him. She squeeks his toy and then holds it over her head and makes him jump. She thinks it is funny. We have to yell at her to throw the toy. She even pulls his tail and he does nothing.

That being said, he has freak out moments. First moment, he is sleeping on the floor and Gwynne gets down off the couch and he jumps and barks at her and lunges. We kind of let it go thinking she might have stepped on him or startled him.

Second situation, I'm snuggling with Connor on the couch. Connor has his O2 mask on and is gurggling. When he has his O2 mask over his trach you can hear him breathing for sure, and some mucous back there and you hopefully get the point. Maestro came up and sat next to us. A couple minutes later Maestro is growling and barks at Connor. We put him down and discipline him. About 5 minutes later he is back up with us and I'm careful and have Connor pet him. A few minutes later again he growls and barks and lunges for him. Scared the shit out of us. Any other time he has been around Connor he has been on his vent, not much noise compared to his O2 mask.

Now we come to last night. Sigh! Our weekly night nurse shows up. Maestro is fast asleep on the couch. The nurse didn't close our gate and came in really quiet into the house. She was standing in the entry way/kitchen. Maestro comes flying off the couch barking at her. Normally he meets her at the door all happy and jumps up for attention. So I thought he will chill once he gets her scent. He gets to her feet and plants his front paws and has his hind in up and is barking aggressive. She backs up and I get up and I'm yelling at him. He lunges forward and keeps on. I pull him away and he calms down. So I think it is over. We are all in the kitchen at this point. She turns to walk away and he sniffs her pants and the top of her rubber rain boots and starts the barking thing again. UGH!

After all this he comes and lays down close to me, on my lap really and falls back to sleep. He doesn't bother her again. Then we are getting ready for bed and if I move the dog moves, he is my total shadow. The rubber boots are sitting just in side the kitchen by our water cooler. He spots them and jumps toward him and barks a couple times. I yell at him and he backs off. So was it the boots?

So....do we give him more time to settle in. Or cut the stings now? I'm so freakin torn. I don't want to wait until he does bite someone. But at the same time I don't think he will.

Well we error on the side of caution for our kids. I don't know how the hell this is going to go down with the girls. Especially Chloe. There is no way we can run out and get another dog. Money wise we have spent a lot already on this dog in two weeks. There is no way we can dish out for a puppy like Jason wants to do and pay for all the first shots. Plus we still have to pay the last installment of our pet deposit to our landlord.

We have a very rough weekend ahead. I hope we are making the right decision and don't traumtize this poor dog any more then we may already have.

Is that his Brains?!?!?!

2009-02-04T11:46:00.000-08:00

That was the question put to me yesterday morning. I had Gwynne home sick from school and the dog was chilling on the couch. He had rolled over on his back with his belly and private areas fully exposed for all to see.

Gwynne walks up and eye balls them ( no pun inteded). Points and squishes up her nose and asks " Are those his brains????

Thank GOODNESS I was not eating or drinking anything at the time. I might have died from choking. I nearly pissed my pants. Here is a 5 year old and she already knows where the brains of men lay!

But I was a good mom and didn't tell her "Why YES! Those are his brains!" Instead I told her that is his private parts, his penis and balls.

Which she was totally fine with, but for some reason the thought of that being his brains freaked her out. Should I be worried????

Evils of Facebook!

2009-01-27T19:00:00.000-08:00

What an evil thing, I was never this addicted to MySpace. I can't remember the last time I was on MySpace, and when I was it was only to play poker. And the applications! They are never ending! Do they realize what this does to someone with OCD?!?!?!

Then a fellow triplet mom gets me started on Mafia Wars! OMFP! I was actually going to my computer in the middle of the night if I got up to bank my money so no one could come beat up on me and take my cash! I'm even more evil that I made my sister start playing. And she is doing the same thing!

I have "friends" now that I don't even know them....but they play Mafia Wars and I need them as part of my Mafia. I have lost my mind.

Totally forgotten about my blog until my BFF tells me today "How come I didn't know you had a blog?" The answer to that is cause I'm a slacker! (Love ya K!) Oh and I have been obsessed with Facebook and all it's freakin applications. Food Fling, Mafia Wars, Dragon Wars, some chocolate factory thing, sending plants and fishes to save the rain forest and ocean. Sending presents to put under friends tree's. Sending each other purses & shoes we can't have in real life! How mean is that crap?!?! And arresting people for stealing a cookie out of the cookie jar.

A Facebook application even allows you to kidnap you friends to different places of your choosing and knocking them out with a 8 ball in a sock, a Yorkie Yap, or in a stinky backpack. LOL!

This is where I have spent my free time. Totally forgetting about my blog and everyone else's that I love to read. Talk about your head up your ass!

Then I got a cousin that my sister and I traumatize on Facebook, and an Aunt who reports back to my mom. Holy crap Batman! LOL!

But I guess one good thing I did take a break for a couple days to read a book! A Tween book but a book none the less.

Oh and to add to the family. We adopted a very sweet little guy name Maestro who is a cocker spaniel mix.

It's all Facebooks fault I tell ya!

Okay I gotta go and check my status on Mafia Wars now!

Christmas pictures!

2009-01-01T01:30:00.000-08:00

Bet you have all been wondering. Sittin on pens and needles. LOL! I ain't got NOTHIN! Yep. Wake up Christmas morning grab the camera. NOTHIN! It seems two little girls, one in particular got hold of the camera over a period of 4 days. We couldn't take any pictures, but could still see and view the pics already on the camera.

It seems we have a budding photographer on our hands. There is a random shot of a naked butt. Not sure what that is about but Jason and I did get a good chuckle out of it. Our camera also does video and there are a couple very short videos that are a total giggle.

So now we are waiting for our camera to be fixed through the warranty. My sister snapped a few pics, we will see if she shares. ;-)

The kids were very excited about Christmas. Santa made a stop to say Hi and Papa and Grandma Ferris house. There was no pullin a fast one with Gwynne. LOL! As Chloe and their cousin Jacob got excited Gwynne is yellin "That isn't Santa! It's grandpa!" We all were cracking up!

Did I tell you all that my kids are too smart for their own good sometimes?!Chloe busted me the other day about Santa. Five years old and they are nailing me. I thought I was all stealthy and got nailed.

My mom and dad would always use the same paper for their presents and Santa. So the last two years I have bought "Santa" paper. Well a roll of "Santa" paper didn't get put in the paper bin, the roll was too long. Chloe spotted it while in my bedroom. She tells me one hand on her hip and the other pointing at wrapping paper "YOU NOT SANTA!!!!!!" I tried to play stupid, but Chloe wasn't having it! LOL!

So five years old and the Santa thing may be busted already! UGH!

The kids got so much stuff. Grandma E went a little crazy. She sure does love to shop for her babies! I could have tossed EVERYTHING in their room before Christmas, and you NEVER would have known.

Chloe got some Hot Wheels an track and a NASCAR racing track & horses, horses, horse. She is a very happy girl! Not to happy when she opened something that was clothes. LOL! Gwynne got some jewelry and vanity table and color gems. She was a very very happy as well. Connor was a bit overwhelmed with all the excitement. But he was a happy happy boy with all the new stuff he got. The toys he got that sing and make noises he just cracks up.

I can leave you with our Chirstmas Card. We did pictures last minute. Thank you to another triplet mom who is a wonderful photographer Maryann. Here is a link to some other pictures and cards that she had desinged. She is fantastic with kids! Well she is fnatastic period. :-) http://mkcards.blogspot.com/

Happy New Year!

Gonna Bite You in the ASS!!!

2008-12-19T15:10:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been talking to someone and as your having your conversation you just know it's coming back around to bite you in the ass down the road??

Yeah, I had one of those freakin lovely conversations today at lunch! Wondering if it will cause a pink slip to be issued for me?? See I have this really bad issue of not telling a lie. I mean I lie, but I try not to, cause my face is a dead give away when I am. So what's the point really!

Today was our departments annual Christmas luncheon. Which I briefly considered NOT going to today. Should have went with that gut feeling. Damn it! I get stuck seated across for our VP of Finance/Operations. He is a relatively cool guy, easy to talk, but still a suit! Needless to say I knew I was in for it when he came and the only open seat was right across from me.

I don't think he was seated a full 5 minutes before asking me about our new accounting software. Which BTW my controller has her ass on the line for. It was NOT cheap in the least. And I fear it isn't going to workout really like it should. But that is my two freakin cents!

Too my left is another of my accounts payable people and two more to my right. They all saw the sinking ship and didn't bother to help! That's it! Next year they get no Christmas presents! (That is if I still have a job)

My diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain kick in for a few minutes. Then I get my wits about me to......SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!

That was the worst 15-20 minute conversation I think I have EVER freakin had!!!! We have been back from our lunch for about two hours now. No sign of the VP going to the controller yet! He does have to walk by my desk to get to her. I sure hope he doesn't name name's....but he won't have to if he uses the examples I gave him. We work by designated letters around here.

I almost forgot to tell all ya! I also embarssed him a bit. I'm tellin ya I was on a freakin roll today. Trying to talk about less important stuff....reality TV. Somehow I thought it was a good idea to mention the lady still breastfeeding her 9 year old daughter. Which sparked further debate and questions to me why she was doing it. And I had to quote something she said to the girl as she went to feed her. Which embarrassed the crap out of him!

I caused a scene!

2008-12-18T17:57:00.000-08:00

Today was one of the days for the girl's school Holiday program. The school divided all the parents by alphabet. The first half to come today and the other half tomorrow. It's their first school program, of course I had to go. Besides Gwynne has a special part as a Toy Soldier for one of the songs.

I get there to find out that the Kindergarten class is the last to perform, which worked out well since I got there RIGHT at 8:30am. So that meant back of the cafteria for me. But kind of bonus, yet sucked. As the various grades 3rd on down performed the parents with kids in that grade would take their pictures and leave. So by the time it came for my girls, I was at about the 4th row. Could have got closer but wanted to make sure the kids saw me.

Those of you who know me, KNOW I'm not much of a crier. The 3rd graders where getting ready to start and I felt like I was about to cry. What the....!!!! These aren't my kids why am getting all teary eyed! I calm down only for it to happen again with the 1st graders. You see where this is going now don't you??

Here come the kindergartener's, all so cute with these decorated headbands they made. I spot Chloe as she sits down and I see her scanning the room a bit. I didn't tell the kids I would be there today. But these kids "look" for things like their father does. So I gave a little wave to see if she was paying any attention. She was! "MOMMY!!!" gets shouted out with a point. Which she then has to tell everyone sitting around her. "That's my mommy!" I gotta take it now why I can. I know she is going to hit teenager years and she will not be proud of me, but embarssed by me. LOL!

Nope no tears yet!!! WHEW!!!! Maybe I got it out of my system a bit with the other two grades. DANG IT!!! Why did I have to think about it! Here I go! Second song I'm crying, third song still have tears. Lights come up. SHIT! I try to scan to see if any one notices. YEP! Two ladies sitting behind me a seat or two over. Looking at me like I'm crazy. It doesn't help the red watery eyes are giving me away to everyone else.

But dang it! If they had any idea what these kids have been through and the fight. It is just plain amazing to see my baby girls up there for their first Holiday school performance! How could you not cry?? So know all the other families with kids in the Kinder program think I'm a wack job.....which is true! But not for the reasons they think. :-) LOL!

Also we found out yesterday that Connor was the top seller of See's Candy for his school fundraiser. They gave him a white seal stuffed animal, a pound of chocolate, and a discount card to See's Candy. There is something else I'm missing that he got. Last year he was third in the entire school for sells! I think that boy has found his calling!

In case I don't make another post! But I should we had Holiday photos taken that I'm waiting to get and put up.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, be safe and enjoy your families!

Diet of a mom!

2008-12-16T21:07:00.001-08:00

So what did you have to eat today?? I had an array of crap to eat today. Nothing of value really. That's a lie! Now that I think of it two things where "healthy", yet not really a meal.

It is 9pm and I have yet to have a real meal. And it is all my fault.

Started the morning off with a yoplait light yogurt, which I had to finish in the car as I was running back home. Seems Chloe decided to see how long she could hold her piss. My kids seem to be training for this event that doesn't really exist any where. But what are you gonna do. So not only did she wet her pants, she soaked her socks and her shoes. GOOD JOB BABY GIRL!!!!! UGH! It seems the school took the change of clothes sent with Gwynne, but needed some shoe's and socks. Great! Now I have to pack head to toe change of clothes for "accidents"

Oops! Sorry got off track!

Got back to work and ate probably more then a mini subway bag of Doritos and washed it down with a Cherry coke! GOOD TIMES!!! It is nearing the time I should go cook my noodles and heat up the chicken breast I brought. But OOH NO! I have E.L. Fudge cookies in my bag!!!! DING DING DING!!!! SCORE! So I ate two of those and continued on my work day.

Shortly there after my aunt cruises by my desk on her way out. Lucky lady went home early today. She sets down a three pack of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. No not little ones. Good size ones, about the size of the palm of my hand. So I ate two of the three cookies. YUMMY!

Nope! This is not the part where I tell you I went and ate my chicken and noodles. I'm sorry to say I ate a banana followed shortly there after by another E.L Fudge cookie. Then a short time later polished off the third of the other cookie's given to me. What was I suppose to do! The package was open and it would be stale by the time I got back to work tomorrow morining......errr.....afternoon! LOL!

Now that is a diet of champions!!!!!

I had an Awe moment!

2008-12-01T14:53:00.000-08:00

Despite my previous post there was something yesterday that put a smile on my face. Gwynne normally doesn't interact with Connor too much. Chloe does more kissing/hugging, watching movies or playing a toy with him. So last night I gave the girls their bath first then Connor's. Which is much more involved then the girls.

I got all of his trach supplies I needed and sat down to dry him off and get him dressed. But I had forgotten a diaper. Gwynne seemed to want to help so I asked her to run and get a diaper for Connor. Which she did with no problem. Then she wanted to help change his trach holders. It is Velcro and cloth that fix to the actual trach and go around his neck. She helped me cut the tag off and attempted to trim it down, but I almost lost a finger on that one! So I took over.

She started to hold Connor's hand and tell him "It's okay brother, it's okay". After I was done with all the trach and g-tube care and got him dressed she laid down on the floor next to him for a bit. Then while making Connor's bed she asked if she could sleep in his bed with him, cause her bed is boring. LOL!

It really touched my heart seeing her interacting like this with Connor. It is so rare for the two of them. It just made my heart melt.

That was my Awe moment for the weekend.

Failing as a mother!

2008-12-01T14:31:00.000-08:00

I hate when I get like this! But I'm there. Feeling like I should win "Worst Mother of the Year" award! It is just part of the cycle right?? Every mom hits this point from time to time?? Or am I out on the life boat by myself??

My daughter asked me to play with her the other day and I said no. "NO!" What the heck is wrong with me?? Was I doing something important? NOPE! Was I in the middle of doing anything? NOPE! Just being a completely lazy mother who didn't want to get her big ole rear off the couch. And all I did was yell and scream at the girls yesterday and was irritated by anyone who was breathing around me!

My poor kids get no time with me during the week, and I couldn't get off my tush to play with one of them who specifically asked me too! Then to make things better cause I was in a mood. I made her cry when she went to bed on top of it!

Here is my list of failures: They just don't listen when you tell them to do something. They talk back. They refuse to dress themselves because I have been doing it all this time for them. They are 5! Shouldn't they be able to dress themselves, shoes & socks included?? Brush their own teeth and hair?? I only have myself to blame. I have babied them for far too long and now have to dig out of that hole. I have one who is still pissing her pants. UGH! This is getting on my nerve to no end. She needs to get this under control or she is not going to be in the regular Kindergarten class next year! I have no drive to purchase anything for my children for Christmas. They don't play with most of their toys, but use them to scatter all over their room in attempt to kill someone. Oh and they can't pick up their own toys! When you tell them to pick up their stuff in the living room it gets dropped right in front of their door! Don't you dare ask them to pick up their mess in the room. Then you get whining of "Help me, I can't do it!" So you go in to teach them how. One sits down and has to play with what ever she finds and not put it away. So she ends up getting kicked out of the room cause she is just making more of a mess. I don't come close to having the cleanest house. But dang it! When it's time to clean they should be picking up after themselves!

My kids have little supervision and reinforcement of the rules while I'm at work. They have a push over for a caretaker who doesn't like to tell them "no". UGH! I don't take them out and about town that much, because I'm tired just after getting everyone ready and the car loaded up! During which Jason and I are usually already snapping back and forth at each other.

I think I'm in desperate need of a therapist!!!!!!!!!

Happy Gobble Gobble!

2008-11-26T17:28:00.001-08:00

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoys being around there family. After my last post the household was stricken with the stomach flu. Connor started on Sunday when we had family over for cake and ice cream. But by Monday afternoon he was doing good and off the pedilyte. But it hit Jason and I very early Tuesday morning with Chloe following a few hours later. And some how Gwynne never got sick....explain that one! It is horrible being that sick and unable to care for your children.

I have never had the stomach flu that bad. Lost over 10 lbs in two days and it took me about a week to start eating normally again. And I needed help with meds to get rid of they queasy feeling. Every one started asking if I could be PG. Of course my immediate response was a big resounding "NO!" But in the back of my head I think what if! But a quick test and all is still a resounding "NO! I'm not PG!" LOL!

Between being sick and work and school these last two weeks have been a blur. I took on a new responsibility at work that I'm kicking myself for. But I'm sure as heck no longer bored with free time! UGH! I have finals coming up in a few weeks then I will be able to relax a little before going back after the New Year.

Some random thoughts. I was far to happy the other day that I filled my gas tank for under $30 and the low fuel light was on. Then I was having a really crummy day last week. I swung through McD's and grabbed a kids happy meal for lunch. Fully expecting to give the Madagascar 2 toy to Chloe. But it was the animal thing that sings the song "You got to move it, move it!" OH I WAS SO HAPPY!!!!!!! So it sits on my desk at work for my amusement.

Every now and then the whole office will here YOU GOT TO MOVE IT, MOVE IT! ROFL!!! My boss isn't too happy with it sometimes, but if he wants a happy sane employee he will keep quiet.

I posted the following on Facebook so if your reading this for a second time.....to bad! Skip it! LOL!

As I was stressing out a bit yesterday trying to get all my vendors paid on this short week I decided I needed a beverage. I ran off to 7-Eleven for a Slurpee to not only quench my thirst, but freeze my burning throat. Being stressed I thought! Why can't they have Rum & Coke Slurpee's for the adults??? I was really proud of myself for thinking this up. Then Jason had to go steal my thunder! The whole open container issue in the car! Sheesh! Take away all the fun!!!!! Any one got ideas to get around this?? Some special no spill lid maybe??? I think I have found my money maker! LOL!

Any ways!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! And if you need a movie to watch check out "Home for the Holidays" Directed by Jody Foster and stars Holly Hunter and Robert Downey Jr.! A must for any dysfunctional family!

Happy Birthday!!!!

2008-11-03T22:10:00.000-08:00

Five years! It really is weird and awe inspiring at the same time. They had such a rough start and come so far. Let's see we came home with O2, apnea monitors for all three, two suction machines, suction cathers, pulse ox, syringes, several medicine per kid, 2 g-tubes, too many hospitalizations to count, vent 24/7 for Connor.

Five years later where are we?? Well we still have medical equipment. Only one of the three that still uses O2, we don't use apnea monitors any more, only one suction machine, no meds for Chloe, one daily med for Gwynne for allergies, not much change with Connor in that department. We are now down to only one kid with a g-tube, over 2 years of NO, I repeat NO hospitalizations. And Connor is only on the vent for 12 hours a day, and come spring we may be able to be off the vent completely.

These kids are just truly amazing. The girls are doing well in school, but have some maturity issues, and just are smaller then other kids their age.

Gwynne was 1lb 9oz and 12 1/2 inches long at birth. At her 5 year check up she was almost 41 1/2 inches tall and weighed 33 lbs (Height is 35% & weight is 10%)

Connor was 2lbs and 12 1/2 inches long at birth. 5 year check up he was 39 1/2 inches tall and weighed 38lbs ( I didn't get the % on him)

Chloe was 1lb 6oz and 12 1/2 inches long at birth. 5 year check up she was 41 inches tall and weighed 36 lbs ( 24% for height and 30% for weight)

Happy Birthday my little miracles!!!!

Sidewinder Video - Chloe!

2008-11-02T22:14:00.000-08:00

Knott's Berry Farm

2008-11-02T19:52:00.000-08:00

We all spent the day at Knott's yesterday. We had got some free tickets and had to use them before the 5th. The five of us went, along with Auntie B and grandma & papa. The kids had a blast and went on a big roller coaster for the first time. It's called Sidewinder. Basically it is four round cars and as the cars go around the track each individual car spins as well. It is crazy fun! They happen to have video feeds on your cars so we spent an obscene amount of money to get them. Jason should have them up on YouTube in a couple days and I will post the links. The one of Chloe is just priceless. When I put the girls to bed last night the last thing Gwynne said to me was "Thank you mommy for taking me on the fast roller coaster." I didn't get a thank you from Chloe for that one, but she did say that the little roller coaster in Camp Snoopy was her favorite.

Connor couldn't go on too much, but we did get him on the big steam train they have and he loved it. If he was able to sit up on his own there was more he could have tried. But he had a fun time just being out and around all the fun. Even though Snoopy scared the hell out of him within the first 5 minutes of being at the park. LOL! So he didn't get in the pic, we whisked him off to calm him down while the girls took a picture.

We were disappointed to find out that the stage coach was not running on Sat. Knotts was still doing their Halloween Haunt. The park closes early and transforms during Halloween, and they have 6 or so mazes set up through out the park, and some of them were on the stage coach route. We were really excited about Chloe seeing this, but maybe next time.

I was amazed at some of the bigger rides the girls pointed to and wanted to go on. But we only made the 42" height requirement, most of the bigger rides you had to be 48" or taller. So next year we may not have any problems.

Below is a slide show of some pics Jason took, my sister as several really cute ones as well. Once she gives those to me I will put them up also.

Pumpkin Carving

2008-11-02T19:43:00.000-08:00

Twas the night before Halloween...Oops! Wrong story! LOL! Here are few pics from the pumpkin carving that went on while I was at school Thursday night.

Halloween Party

2008-10-28T20:12:00.001-07:00

Halloween and Christmas are big Holidays around here. They appeal to our good and evil sides. ;-) Jason and his cousin really get into these two holidays and Vince & Michelle have a Halloween party every year. This really is the first year the kids are super into. So this past Saturday was the annual party. We got the kids dressed up and snapped a few pics in front of our decorated gate. Warning they are not the best, sun is in the kids eyes. But will try to get better one's on Friday.

Off we went to the Halloween party. Vince always has a kick butt costume and goes all out, would you expect less from someone else who totally loves the holiday?? Around the backyard and house he has previous years costumes set up as decorations. next year we have to bring the video camera. We were rolling how scared the girls were. Is that bad??

Basically he is sits somewhere in the drive way as guests start showing up. BTW one year he scared the crap out of some local police who swung by, how he didn't get shot we don't know that year. LOL! Sorry off track...so he is sitting in a big wooden chair just outside the back yard and daddy and papa take the girls out to see uncle Vince! This is when comedy in sues!!! LOL!

I have a princess trying desperately to get back on the other side of the gate, fear in her eyes and screaming....There is a Power Ranger that has now climbed up her father and has a death grip on his neck as she is scurrying to his back. She is about 3 feet from Uncle Vince and he is getting up out of his chair. Of course all of us adults are just rolling in laughter at this point.

So here is a pic of Uncle Vince's costume this year, which included lifts in shoes.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!!

G-tube update

2008-10-28T19:54:00.000-07:00

We are almost three weeks post-op, two weeks after having the tube removed and this is what we have

Gwynne tells us from time to time that she misses her button. I guess when you had something attched to your body for over 4 years it would feel weird for it not to be there anymore.

We wanted to get a post op picture a few days after surgery but she wouldn't let anyone come near it. We didn't even take the original bandage off until we went into the Doc's office for a check up. It was pretty gooey, pussy & gross mess. It appealed to my sick brain to see it. LOL! Guess becoming a nurse will be a good thing for me. :-) I get excited cleaning the kids ears as well!

There was also about two weeks of her being a bit embarassed. She wouldn't let us see her tummy. When getting dressed she would turn away and have her back to us. But know I guess she has no problems with showing everyone. According to her teacher the other day in class Gwynne lifted up her dress to show her someone her button was gone. We got a good giggle out of it and told her teacher she was prepping herself for Spring Break. ROFL!

Gwynne

2008-10-16T20:21:00.000-07:00

Something is going on with my little girl and I don't know what. I'm stumped. She is fighting us tooth and nail on homework. She says school sucks, and is a pain every morning getting ready for school. I talked to her teacher about not liking school. See if someone was picking on her or if Gwynne had said any thing to Ms. R. NOPE! Ms. R was completely surprised by what I was telling her. Including our talk yesterday about not doing homework.

I have tried talking to Gwynne but she gets real shy and quiet on me when I try to ask her questions. This is the first year the girls are in separate classes. But they do have time during the day that the classes come together and they have recess together. I don't think it is them being separated. But I'm not 100%. They were separated for the six weeks of summer school and no real problems.

For the most part she has been herself at home. But she has become more attached we have noticed to her lovey. Normally lovey would only be grabbed when she was tired and trying to sooth herself. Now it seems just about every time we turn around she has it, not to mention she has times that she doesn't want to leave the house without it. Not just on school days, but weekends with us.

I wonder if I'm missing something or just reading too far into things. Why can't kids come with an instruction manual or a re-program button that you get to use every now and then as they are growing up.

Cheating AGAIN!!!

2008-10-16T20:10:00.000-07:00

Am I getting old and mean??? I don't get it. This is the first time in all my years, (YES! I said years)of college seeing people so blatantly cheat! We had a quiz two weeks ago. Same two ladies wrote a bunch of stuff down on the their desk. We had an in class essay according to the syllabus. Not really a an essay really. We were given 5 topics and had to pick three to write a paragraph, P-A-R-A-G-R-A-P-H on each question. This is a mythology class, he allowed us to have our reading hand outs and our books along with one page, front and back of hand written notes. It doesn't get much easier then this people!!!! I missed last week due to Gwynne's surgery so I forgot about the one page of written notes we could have.

Tell me these same two ladies did not have a few pages of typed notes, and passed notes back and forth. REALLY?!?!? Is it that freakin hard??? If you had read the materail and been in class for discussions I don't see how this task required cheating. But then again, is it really cheating?? I don't know. I just know it is bugging me and I don't know why.

Oh and then he is letting people get up and walk out after handing out the test. Whatever, it's his class. Tell me as I leave one of the guys from my class is not walking up to me with the question sheet in hand. Proceeds to ask me about two of the questions. AND I FREAKING ANSWERED HIM!!!!!!!!! UGH!

Alright I will get off my soapbox now.

Can you write your name????

2008-10-10T20:00:00.000-07:00

Chloe can!!! YEAH!!! I knew she had been tracing her name and spelling it to us. But I was unware until a few days ago that she could write her name on demand. I tend to miss out helping the girls with their homework. Yes, they are in kindergarden and have homework daily. Well I was home early and got to do homework with the girls.

I just sat there in pure awe holding back the tears. My daughter looked at me as proud as can be! And a little puzzled as to why momma was about to cry. She was so proud she wrote her name twice on her homework. LOL! But I had to correct her and we earsed one while I waited for Jason to bring me the camera.

This is the best I could get. Not the best picture, but a picture to remember never the less. ***Please ignore the dirty grout on the table*****

Bye Bye G-Tube!!!

2008-10-09T07:43:00.000-07:00

Today we are one more step closeer to Gwynne getting rid of her g-tube. I'm not sure what the procedure is called, I didn't go to the appt. Jason did. She will be going under so the doctor can remove the skin that has grown around the stoma. The G-tube will be placed back into place and next week we will go into the office and they will pull her g-tube for good and allow the skin to fuse back together.

We are happy to be getting rid of it. But the mommy in me is freakin out. What if she gets sick? What if, what if....! But we have not needed to use it except for when she has totally refused to take medications. So it is good that it will be gone and she will not have that crutch to fall back on.

I'm losing my mind already and it is not even 8am yet. She has her surgery this afternoon. We have to be at the hospital by noon to go through the admitting process. She has to be NPO as of midnight last night and she can clear liquids until 9am. She is already screaming at me and getting pissed cause I won't give her any milk.

This is gonna be a very long morning!!!!

Yet again! I'm the BITCH!

2008-10-08T10:14:00.000-07:00

UGH! Why?? Why do I end up being the Bitch. You tell me if I'm wrong.

Hospital has been calling me for the last three days to "pre-reigster" Gwynne for her surgery tomorrow. Today, I answered my phone not thinking. So the lady tells me why she is calling. So my question to her is:

Me: So if we do this over the phone now I won't have to go to admitting and do this again tommorrow?

Her: No.

So we start going over the info, and she asks about the insurance coverage to verify what Gwynne has. I answer in the postive. Guess what comes out of the damn ass' mouth next???

Her: Make sure to bring your insurance cards with you so we can make a copy.

HOLD ON ONE DAMN MINUTE!!!!! Did you not just say less then 5 minutes ago I would NOT have to go to the admitting department if I did this over the phone right now. So, her and I get into. She proceeds to tell me that I just can't go up to the surgery location by myself. Which I laugh, cause about 6 weeks ago when I was there admitting sent me on my way upstairs with my child all by myself.

So I told her I was not going to go over this info with her now, and have to do it ALL again tomorrow. WHAT IS THE DAMN FREAKIN POINT PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!! Don't waste my freakin time! Sheesh!

Well she got pissed and hung up one me! LOL!

And yes!! Someone from the freaking admitting department will be walking Gwynne and I up to the damn surgery center tomrrow! BASTARDS!

Yet again.....I'm the Bitch!!!

This is MINE!!!!!!!!

2008-10-07T15:47:00.000-07:00

Am I the only one that their kids have taken over your own life?!?! Where is me!!!!! Have you read the littl blurb "ABOUT ME"??? It doesn't say "About Your Kids". Where have a gone wrong???

Lets see, first the name of the website address. Should have picked something like "It's All About ME!" or "No Triplet Talk To Be! (NTTB)". Oh! OH! Better yet!!!! "Mom's Selfish Time!!!"

Second, not letting it all hang out like I ususally do. Worried about who might read this. Really, who gives a crap! If you don't like what I be a saying HIT THE ROAD JACK, AND DON'T CHA COME BACK. NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE!!!!! Little off key but that is me, off key! LOL!

What is up with the mommy sacrifice?? Why do I have to walk around with half my head one color and the other half yet another highligted by grey??? Because I won't spend the money on myself to go to the salon. Nope! Can't cause I gotta buy those kids crap they don't need, don't really deserve for multiple reasons. I actually felt a little guilty a couple weeks ago getting my man stach waxed with my bushy eyebrows!!!

Is it something in my genetic make up....or cause I'm a mom? Well guess what kiddos!!!! Your going to hear a resounding big fat NO to EVERYTHING!!!! You got a B-day and Christmas coming up and you ain't getting squat until mommy gets her red hair back and maybe a pedicure! And NO! NO, you cannot come with me. You will have to stay home and enjoy your father for pete sake.

Ahhh!! I feel so much better now.....How about you?!?!?!

The mark that summer is over!!! BOO!!!

2008-09-24T17:13:00.000-07:00

The Fair coming to town is kind of the mark for the end of summer and back to school time around here. I remeber starting school and the first field trip of the year was to the Fair! Do kids still get to go on field trips??? It has been about 9 years since I have been to the fair and the last time was really just to show up for a concert, no real walking around. So I was a bit excited to be going, not to mention this would be the very first time for the kid's. Did I say that we FORGOT THE FREAKIN CAMERA?!?!?!?!?! Luckily Auntie Bonnie brought her's so we were able to get some pics!!!!

They were very excited and Chloe was looking forward to seeing the horses. Which as we were walking in to find grandma & papa they had the Budwiser horses out getting ready to walk through the fair. Miss Chloe was not happy that she was being kept back by a chain and wanted to pet the horses. Some how we pried her away only for someone, not sure who to inform Chloe that there was horse racing!!!! We didn't hear the end of this ALL DAY!!!!!!

Connor was not a very happy boy for most of the day. There was lots of loud music and that made him cry several times. But by the end of the day I don't know if he was so exhausted that EVERYTHING was hialrious or he had just come to enjoy what was going on. We got his face painted with a dragon on it, and the lady painted an a balloon on his arm with glitter and everything so he could see it. He wasn't too sure about the face painting and was a bit serious with a couple smiles and giggles in between.

Gwynne was in fashion diva HEAVEN when we hit the jewlery booths. The girl came home with a TON of stuff. Earrings, bangle braclets, necklace w/earrings, & a new purse. She was a shopping manic. But I swear by the end of the day if I heard "I want..." one more time someone was going to get hurt!!!!! If I got paid that day for every time the phrase was said I would have made back all the money we spent plus some!!! So now we are broke, but I don't care. We all had a blast.

There was a really cool winter wonderland exhibit with a little ice skating rink, an area where the kids could run around and play with snow, and a little hill they could sled down. The girls went nuts!!!! They didn't want to stop sledding. So I have been thinking about getting some family together this winter and renting a cabin for a long weekend. Just have to figure out how that is going to work with Connor and his wheelchair! Logistics....they really suck!

We spent the most time I think with the farm animals. They had some the biggest freakin rabbits I have ever seen!!! They were bigger then my fat momma cat, and pretty dang close to the size of grandma's cocker spaniel only much longer!!!! I think one was sizing me up and wanted to beat me down for some reason.

The girls walked all day (about 8 hours)and walking out to the parking lot, Gwynnie was telling me "momma, I tired, my feet hurt." But my goodness my back was killing me and I made the little girl walk all the way to the car! LOL! Which.....we had a little trouble finding. LOL! We needed these at the end of the day not the beginning!!!

So that is how we spent our Saturday!

Self Reflection (Very long)

2008-09-19T12:12:00.000-07:00

I have debated a bit on if I should make this post or not. Maybe I will hit publish or it will sit like several other items as "drafts" that never got posted. There was a little battle that brewed up on a triplet forum I have been part of pretty much since the day we found out we were having triplets. Jason made the first post and they really helped him come to terms with the thought of having three kids all at once when we were faced with the choice of selective reduction. A nice way to say abortion.
There was a recent new member(possible faker) that popped on with some very strong views and harsh words. But I'm a straight shooter so at first I was not really offended and let it roll off and posted to this person about my experience having micro preemie's and Connor's medical issues. Basically in one instance she is saying thank you for your stories, this is giving me so much info and apology and apology about how harsh she was, but that is who she is. I can totally respect that as I come off that way without intending to. Here is her very first post and intro to a forum filled with parents that have triplets or more.

So I just found out that I'm expecting 3 very healthy kiddos. I am completely freaked out. I already have one great 3 year old who will be 4 when the triplets come. My question is this - my doctors seem to be pushing having a reduction. My question to them is exactly which one of these perfectly healthy children do you suggest I kill?

I'm having a moral and emotional crisis!

I ethically don't believe in premature children and having society pay for the birth defects, time in intensive care and so on, but at the same time I am really torn because many people go to 33-36 weeks with no problem and have happy healthy children.

I am a really healthy eater, only organic all produce comes from our local farm, lots of legumes/grains, DHA, absolutely nothing that comes out of a box and has been processed in anyway and I order all grass fed meat directly from farmers. So.... I am hoping that helps.

I feel confident in my parenting skills and my 11 year marriage (my husband is a saint wings halo the whole nine), so I do not have those concerns. My one and only concern is getting these kids to term. That is it. I do NOT want a C-section (I find them boarderline butchery) and would hate to be forced into using formula, because frankly my breast is SO much easier, cleaner and more convinent (for me - not saying for everyone just it's easier for this lazy mom!). I hear many many nurses will not let you even breastfeed your babies for days - NIGHTMARE! Can they even legally do that?

Sigh, ok I'm terrified, and having a lot of angst.

Thoughts? Help? Words of wisdom? Anything?

Then she slaps everyone in the face again with the following post

"I currently have a meeting with my perinatologist to speak about the subject of letting them go if born before 29 weeks with major complications.

Needless to say things got VERY ugly at this point, including a post from me that I just lost it with this person. This has put me in self reflection mode and brought up lots of things I struggle with maybe not day to day, but things that I think about.

Did we make the right decision for Connor? Or did we make the right decision for us? Us deciding not to remove life support was that in the best interest of Connor, or was it us not being able to let go? I admit I think the decision was ultimately me being selfish. Not wanting to lose one of my precious babies no matter what. I wonder had the doctors came to us a few weeks or a month or so after birth with the same news would we have made a different decision? But having him for the 11 months before this blow we had got to see a bit of his personality and couldn't imagine life without him.

Not to mention at the beginning of our NICU ride we trusted and thought the doc's had all the answers and knew what was best. But by this time almost a year into a ton of medical stuff, we knew they didn't have all the answers and that mommy gut was the best. Mommy spent hours and hours at each child's bedside. Doctors spent less then 5 minutes a day every few weeks at their bedside as they rotated out from their week long shifts.
Am I selfish?? I don't think so. We almost lost Chloe a couples weeks after birth. I have never told anyone this I don't think. As I held her hand praying that this last ditch effort of a med they were giving would work I whispered in her ear.

I love you so very much and don't want to lose you, but if this is all too much and you need to leave me and be with God, I will always love you no matter what. But I would love for you to FIGHT. Fight and stay with me.

I was sobbing so much and I ran out of the NICU and heaved my guts into the toilet and cried my heart out. Crying a bit now. Chloe made a complete turn around and was our first to come home. As much as she drives me crazy I couldn't imagine life without her or Gwynne or Connor.

But what I think hurt the most was the lack of acknowledgment by the founder and President of this forum! The thread was pulled and a post telling us to "be kind". But no apology. All of us were reprimanded and the new member was let off Scot free. As far as we know the IP has not been banned and this person is still able to post on our forum. I think that letter from the Founder and President was yet another slap in the face to everyone that has been on TC.
There is a quote that I think sums this up and has been a favorite of mine for a very long time. I didn't get it from a great philosopher or anything, but a recording artist. And I think it is a bit fitting.

"In complete darkness we are all the same, it is only our knowledge and wisdom that separates us, don't let your eyes deceive you.” Janet Jackson

Pink Ponies

2008-09-17T21:24:00.000-07:00

The girls are both in their first year of soccer. They had their first game this past Saturday. It was funny and a total headache all in one! The coach sat out Gwynne first period cause the other team was down a girl. Chloe killed us at the kick off! And of course NO VIDEO CAMERA!!! UGH! She looks the other little girl in the face and makes scrunched up face, starts kicking at the ground like a bull about ready to charge and is snorting. Look over to the little girl and she is looking at Chloe like what the....??? She looked a little uneasy that Chloe is about to tackle her. All of us on the sidelines started cracking up. Chloe seems to be LOVING soccer and is pretty good with the ball already. Chloe wears jeresy #2

Each team has 7 girls. So come second period the other girl showed up and Gwynne had to go in. This is where the headache comes in. I was concerned about signing up Gwynne, but I wanted her to at least try. She was a bit shy with all the people on the side lines so she kind of just stood there and watched the other girls. Then she ran off the field to me to tell me she wanted to go to dance class. UGH! So I told her to get back out on the field and we would talk about dance classes. Runs back on the field. About 45 seconds later here she comes again. "mom, I need water." UGH!! Get the heck on the field!!!!!!!! Back on the field, about a minute later....yep! This went on every few minutes through the reminder of the three periods. I don't think she ever touched the ball once! LOL! Gwynne is jersey #4, the second picture she is the one on the right by the girl in the yellow jeresy.

I'm stressing out with the fact that I have two total opposites and will be running from a sporting event to a dancing class/event and vice versa. But I will do what I have to so the girls are active and enjoy extra cirricular activity. Here are a few more pictures from the girls first game.

I can't leave out my little man Connor!

First Day of School

2008-09-14T21:35:00.000-07:00

I know a I'm a little slow, but I got a lot going on. And the pictures really were not that fantastic. They were not happy about the early hour in which they had to get up. Chloe made Gwynne cry and as you can see from the pics she is just one big happy kid! UGH! But things have gotten easier and boy do they go to be so much earlier with less problems now. LOL! The girls have back to school night coming up this Wednesday. So I will be a good mom and get out of work on time to go check things out.

Gwynne got her first homework assignment last week and was VERY excited. Chloe followed a day or two behind her. They had to make these posters for back to school night that has pictures and tells things about themselves. We just finished those up today and they are not bad for last minute. Maybe if I had a bit more creative juice today they would have been much cooler. I'm sure come Wednseday night I will feel inedaquate when I see the others that parents helped their kids with. LOL! Bite Me is all I have to say!!!!!

Cheating!!!!

2008-09-12T15:22:00.001-07:00

I could not believe my eyes in class last night!! We had a fairly simple quiz that was on 7 key terms and 3 short fairy tales. These key terms were drilled into our heads last week during class discussion, and another full week to study them and read the stories. I'm a totally procrastinator. So I read two of the stories at lunch yesterday and did a quick review of the key terms.

Got to class about 30 minutes early read the third story and started to try and memorize the terms. What do I see out of the corner of my eye. A lady, in her late 40's early 50's writing down the key terms on her desk!!!!!! What the....?!?!??! And her "friend" sitting in front of her proceeds to do the same thing!!!

I understand that English is not the first language for the majority of the people who attend my college, but come on!!!!

Here is a list of the key terms: Superstition, myth, magic, custom, tradition, ritual & religion. Of these seven terms we had to write the definition for 4 of them and give an example of a ritual for a 5th question. The other 5 questions were about what we had read.

I sat there and ran through my head. Do I turn them in, let it go? Does it really matter to me? I know what I need to know for this quiz. There is no curve grading. Do I let Karma do it's job?

Still today I'm a bit baffled. These women more then likely have children. What are they teaching their children?? Are the terms we were tested on really that hard? I was able to come pretty close to memorizing them word for word in about 10 minutes. Which now having triplet brain is really no easy task for me!

So I took the don't tattle road. Part of my growing up in a bad neighborhood and being the minority I guess, you just kept quiet about these things. I'm marking it up to first test/quiz jitters. But I don't know that I will keep my mouth shut next time around.

Grown women! Not some teenager just out of high school. Not that it would make what happened any better, but some how understandable. It's weird. Everyone should be held to the same accountability. So why does it seem like something far more worse that these grown women possibly mothers cheated on a little quiz?!?!

Okay stepping down off my soap box/high horse.

I'm very excited tomorrow will be the girls very FIRST soccer game!!!!! Maybe I can post those pics and post the 1st day of school pics that are still sitting on the camera!!!

Hitting the Books!

2008-09-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

It's school time for everyone! Including Mommy!!!! I have not had this many panic attacks in a really long time. The kids and I all started school last week and what a mess it has been. I started at a new college in order to get in the classes I need to apply to nursing school. I got a late registration because I'm a procrastantor. I thought my application was still good, but it wasn't! So I had to re-submit it again hence getting the late registration time. So basically I got one class for sure, but not the one I really wanted. So I did the show up for the first class and cross your fingers you will get added. Well I barely scraped by and got one of the two classes I REALLY wanted this semster. Which I'm kind of excited about. It is a humanities class in mythology. The other class that I was hoping to drop in lew of a poli sci class in public speaking. I was so sick showing up for the first class last night. And it was only made worse by the fact that we have to bring in a VHS tape and ALL our speechs will be taped for us to review. HELP!!!! But I have to say these classes are kind of a nice change from all the science classes I have been taking. Classes to ease me back in after being off for a few months. I just hope the anxiety attacks are over now that the first week of school is over and I have a better feel for the new campus. I might even loose some weight and tone up a bit! There are LOTS of stairs and the parking is on one end of campus and my classes on the opposite end. GOOD TIMES!!! Been sweating my rear off every time I'm there!!!
The kids bus schedule is all messed up again. They had set the kids on the wrong times for summer school and did again for the beginning of this school year. Some how transportation was not informed that the kids are now Kindergardeners and not in Pre-school any longer. So the girls have to get up at 6am to catch the bus by 7am, which is just enough time to get through our morning routine. They should be up at 5:30am, but I refuse to get them up that early. They are NOT happy with this new schedule, but each day seems a bit better. Hopefully with the time change it will get even better. Right now they are using my words against me. I would tell them that is was dark and the sun was asleep so they had to go to bed until the sun came up. Yep! It has come to bite me in the butt now! So when I wake them up at 6am and it is still dark I'm told "it's dark! We have to sleep! There is no SUN!!" of course this is said while yelling, whinning and any other way possible to protest! But hopefully....next week they will get the schedule worked out and the girls will have a later bus time. Right now the girls are on the bus for about an hour going to several diffrent locations to drop other kids off. Today is day four of school for the girls and they have already been late once to school!
Connor has busing issues as well and has missed the last two days of school, but we are told tomorrow everything will be on track. The poor kid has only showed up for the first day of school and has not been back. These are times were I feel really guilty about being a working mom and not at home to get the kids to and from where they need to be. I have been feeling like the worst mom ever recently, and feeling like moms of singletons are judging me. I normally don't give a rat's @$$! But it is getting to me.
I think mostly what it is are the girls are in more activities. And this puts them with other kids their age and they just stand out from the other kids their age. The lack of maturity, listening, etc. I know they are micro preemies, but first they tell you oh they will be caught up when they are about 2. Well that came and went and we still had many delays. So then they tell us they will be caught up by the time they are 5. Well they will be 5 in a little over 7 weeks. I don't think it is going to happen. So when? Will they ever?? Is it something I'm doing?? Am I doing too much for them and not making them independent enough? I know I do a lot of things I should make them do, but it is just so much easier and quicker if I just do them. Again my OCD and control issues rear their ugly head! I realize how totally unprepared I really was for having kids, let alone preemies.

Oh my! It still doesn't seem real that I'm going to have 5 year olds!!! What happen to my babies. They have come such a long, long way.

PICTURES!!!!!

2008-09-02T14:49:00.001-07:00

I know you have been waiting for pictures!! The girls just finished up their swim lessons last week and started soccer. Busy! Busy! They missed the last day of swim class because of soccer practice. Gwynne is already fighting it a bit. I have feeling she will only be on the field once. She has been very shy with everyone, but last week was the second time she was around her "team".

Thank you Papa for sending me pictures from their swim lesson. We seemed to never take the camera with us. Horrible parents I tell ya! So here they are.

Walking to class

Posed picture for Papa!

We were a little early so craziness insued. Chloe climbing the gate then....
the girls rolling down the hill!

Every Thursday they go to the "Big" pool and get to jump off the diving board! It is tough getting a shot before they hit the water. Chloe runs right out there and jumps with no problems.

This was the first time I had seen Gwynne actually walk out on the board without a lifeguard.

But she couldn't jump! She needed some help being "dropped" in. It is the likes of a spider monkey or a new born baby. Hand and legs fully extened slightly curled. LOL!

Back to the little pool to finish out class!

Summer Lovin!!!!!!!

ROUND-UP! YEE HAW!!!!

2008-08-27T20:56:00.000-07:00

Everyone got your $#*& stompers on????? What a total freakin joke and waste of time. What the hell am I talking about your asking yourself I'm sure. But let me digress for a minute and probably show my age.

When I went to school my mom walked me, yes walked me! Novel idea I freakin tell ya, but then again the school was pretty much around the block. There was our tract of homes, some railroad tracks that ran behind said house, then a major Blvd and right there was the school. You got the mental picture?? Good! If not then I just wasted space and time. But any hoo! About a week before school started we took a little walk to the elementary school and there on the board was list after list of student names. Next to your name would be a room number and teacher's name. This is where you would need to go on the first day of school. Then we would take a walk onto school property and see where the class was for the first day of school. Great! There is the door I will be entering in about a week....Fabs! Can I go play with my friends now mom???

Then on the first day of school they sent me home with a mountain of paper work for my parents. Emergency cards, PTA info, hot lunch menu for the month, and well you get the point. I assume this was standard for everyone back then??? Or did I live on another planet??

Oh how things have changed. Now we have "Round-up"! You have to go to one of two days you choose from to turn in your paper work that was sent to you via the postal service, yet they forgot to send one form with the packet. So you are stopped by a Jr. high helper and told to fill out this form as well. Great! Then you are directed around the corner to one of the Kindergarden rooms and a sign that says "Enter" on one door and "Exit" on another. Woot! Woot! They have a freakin system. Wouldn't want the parents getting all crazy and doing things wrong!

I almost wanted to walk in the "Exit" door just because I can!

But I don't, I was a good little robot and followed directions. I'm greeted by the school secretary who asks for my paperwork. She is at one table with four ladies sitting at it on one wall, then another table with about 6 ladies and the third by the "Exit" door with about four more ladies. Needed paperwork is the emergency card and another card, different color, but pretty much the same info on it as the emergency card. I also have to show proof of residnecy. Two "ORIGINAL" utility bills, do a lot of people still get this stuff in the mail?? Hasn't just about everyone switched to On-Line banking or paperless billing?? I hand her my copies and I get asked "Can I keep these?" My response "What for?" REALLY!!! Why do you need to have my utility bills in my kids files??? She marks some things off and sends me on my way to the school nurse sitting at table 2.

The school nurse wants the paperwork she sent me about 2 months ago in regards to the kids shots. 15 weeks early, these kids are on a bit of a different schedule then most kids. Not to mention I'm scared as hell about them after a lot of talk on Triplet Connection regarding vaccainations. I'm told in addition to the scheduled shots the kids also need a TB test. They just had that done in Nov. 2007 because you said they needed it. They have to go have it again??? I will save you the banter back and forth. But basically she is checking if they have to have it AGAIN 9 months after the last one! Made me sign a waiver to cover her rear because I refused to take the kids before their 5 year check up for the shots they are missing. I'm fine with that. I fulling believe in "CYA", I practice it A LOT!

Then I'm handed a card for each of the girls, room number, teachers name, school times, and upcoming holidays & short days on it.

As I turn to leave the last table is the PTA!! YIPPEEE!!! They are pushing shirts for your kids. They are suppose to wear them EVERY Wed. and when ever there is a "spirit day"! FUN FUN!!!! They are $9 each so I buy one for each girl. Gotta teach them to assimilate now.

I'm out! I'm done.

Oh and this is NOT. I repeat! NOT!!!!!!a one time they are just starting at the school type of thing. I have to do this EVERY YEAR! It doesn't matter if I'm living in the same dang house and never move. EVERY YEAR I have to show proof of residency and go through the "Round-Up"

What about Connor you ask?? He goes to a different school. OUT OF DISTRICT for his special needs. Want to know what I got from them???

One sheet mailed to me that said hey school starts on this day at this time, your child (computer insert student name here) will be in classroom X and has teacher Y.

Guess what!? I bet when he comes home on that first day of school he will have a packet of paperwork for me to fill out and just send back with him the following day or two!

Make life easy people! Really it doesn't have to be this difficult!!!!

I get home and the girls are not back from swim practice yet. So I spend some uninterrupted time with Connor and then go change out of my work clothes. Right into those nice comfy PJ bottoms and a big shirt! AHHH! Get my computer turned on I hear the gate. Shoot! They are home! LOL!

My girls walk in. First one "MOMMA! You here!" AWWWW! My Diva....guess what she tells me???

"Momma, you in your PJ's already?!" All I could due was laugh. She is so young still and doesn't realize how wonderful some PJ bottoms and a big shirt are at the end of the day!

Let's get this going AGAIN!

2008-08-25T22:15:00.001-07:00

LMBO!!! I really suck at this blogging thing. But I need to get back at and not be a slacker. When I tried to keep a diary growing up this is pretty much how it happened. LOL! Total slacker I tell ya, total slacker!

Well I have been cranky and in a funk for the last few days. Hormones I think. It sucks! I'm just a total wreck and losing my mind. I start back to school next week after taking some time off. Again a slacker thing. I'm starting at a new college so I can take the classes I needed in the evening. I missed my deadlines to get all my info in at the new college so I missed a semster and short summer session.

On top of that the kids are starting Kindergarten next week as well. My babies are growing up. I'm concerned about them starting Kinder so young, but the cut off is Dec. 1 which I think it crazy. Had they not been extremely premature they would be past the deadline cut off.

I'm not a happy person with who I am, or the mother I have been lately to my children. It seems like all I do is yell lately. But it also seems like one of three is always pushing the buttons. UGH!

Some of my problem I'm sure as well is I went off my meds briefly and am having a bit of fall out from that. Why can't life just be easy? I just feel like I'm treading water recently and not sure what I'm going to do when I grow up. Isn't that so pathetic?? Here I am in my mid 30's and still lost in the world.

I seem so Type A most of the time, but somehow I'm not. CRAZY! Been thinking about what to do about my weight lately. Which is another problem of why I feel like a horrible mom. I have no energy to play with the kids at the end of the day, I feel like a slob. Trying yet again to cut out the soda. That is tuff! If I had to imagine what it was like to kick a drug habit. I know it cannot not compare, but it is about as close as I will ever get to having a hardcore addiction. See I don't have drug or alcohol addictions, just food and Pepsi addictions. LOL! But I was up to about a 12 pack a day at one time. Now on a really bad day around a 6 pack, on a good day only one can of soda. Work in progress, work in progress. LOL!

I have to go be a bad raving luntic mommy now. I have a kid that is refusing to go to bed and thinks it is party time. UGH! When does school start again????

New Year! Not so great......

2008-01-06T15:43:00.000-08:00

Didn't even make it through the first seven days of the New Year without drama and my house! Got a call on Friday from the police department......From INSIDE my own house. Seems 911 was called. Why you ask? Are you sitting down. Some one driving by saw one of the girls in the street.

We have a Houdini that has learned to unlock the front door. So we put a child knob on it. Knock on wood she had not figured out how to get the knob off the door. But she was smart enough to figure out I can escape through the sliding glass door. Which still you would think this should not be a problem since there is a 5 foot fence around the front yard. But this little one is not only Houdini, but too smart for her own good. She pulls a chair or one of her toys over to the gate. She knows just how far back she needs the chair or toy to be to unlock the gate and pull it back a bit so it won't close. Said toy or chair gets put back and she makes a run for it.

Yes this is not the first time she has gotten out the gate on someone. So I now live in Fort Knox and there is no getting out of this house OR the gate unless an adult does not do what they are suppose to. The sliding glass door know has a lock at the top, the front door also has slide lock at the top of the door along with the child proof door knob. And now there is a zip tie type child lock on our gate.

Why we never thought of this type of lock for the gate I have no idea! Since we found she was able to get out the gate we have been trying to figure out what we could put on the fence. DUH! Next thing to get a lock I think will be the fridge!

I have been sick all this week and just started getting better then got so stressed out on Friday it wasn't even funny. And DD doesn't even really seem to "get it" what she did. Dh and I tried to sit down alone with her and talk to her, but it didn't seem to sink in. Hopefully it did more then we think.

So tomorrow I start back to school after having the last two weeks off. A 16 week course done in 6 weeks. FUN! Actually it should be. This is a class for me and one that will go to my general ed requirement. History of Rock N Roll! LOL! Then it will be on to the serious make my head hurt stuff the following term. Anatomy here I come! Just thinking about it gives me a bit of anxiety.

**Included in this post are a couple pics the girls took with their new Fisher Price digital cameras they got for Christmas.

Some days...........

2007-12-29T21:10:00.000-08:00

I'm really not sure how I survive! The girls really pushed my buttons and I started to lose it after being with the trio all day by myself. Jason went off to help his dad today with a flip and usually I'm good. Not sure what put me over the edge. The girls got sent to their room to play until their dinner was done and played. They were getting hyper because they where exhausted. I got more upset when I tried calling Jason and he wasn't answering his freaking phone. I needed to know when my back up would be around. Sigh!
Chloe is still hacking like crazy and Connor has gunk coming from his nose and trach. When I listened to his lungs today they didn't sound very good. Both it seems will be off to the Dr next week. I'm hoping a bit of antibiotics will be all that the kids will need. In a few weeks it will be two years since Connor has had a hospital stay, hopefully it will continue and not be broken. A new year is fast approaching and wonder what it may hold. Jason is looking at moving to a new job and has an interview which I really hope goes well and the offer is good. He really needs to get out of his situation and get a better stable work environment.
I finally got the gump to look up my grade for my chem class. I thought for sure I would be looking at a D, I had to have blown my final. But I guess I did a bit better then I thought. My final grade for the class is a C! Yeah! I wish it was at least a B, but beggers cannot be choosers! LOL! I really didn't put my all into the class and was distracted with my sis and all. So know I need to work on getting my stuff transferred over to the other college so I can start to take my other classes. It has been nice being off and just having to deal with work and the kids. The stress this last semester really did kick my rear.

Christmas! Is it over yet???

2007-12-24T12:08:00.000-08:00

Really this Holiday cannot be over soon enough! It is always so stress ful. But it has been a bit fun as well. The girls are very excited and keep talking about Santa and tell us what they want Santa to bring. Gwynne keeps asking for Bratz suddenly. Don't know where that is coming from. I don't know what it is about those things but they WILL NOT be in our house! Daddy agrees as well. LOL! But I think they will be very happy with what they get.

These last two weeks have just about killed me I think. Between my class I was almost failing, sick kids, and it being the busy time for me at work. I really missed my family. I didn't get to see anyone much but in passing and a kiss as I was walking out the door. I have not had the heart to check my final grade. I really think I failed my final exam. I totally blanked and I studied. Not as much as I should have with the kids being sick. But I'm using that as an excuse and I know that. I have never actively failed a class before. I have failed a couple classes, but that was when I just stopped going and never withdrew from them. And now they kill my dang GPA!

I made some great memories with the girls this weekend. They helped me make my Eggnong cookies. We told them we had to set out some cookies for Santa and some carrots for the reindeer tonight. They were super cute and fighting over who got to do what. But then all they wanted to do was eat the dough after I gave them the beaters to lick on. LOL! And they kept asking for a cookie, so after the first batch came out and cooled they each got one. And little Gwynne snuck back in when out backs were turned to grab another. Little stinker!

So I have two weeks of no school and just hanging with my family. I might go crazy being around them so much! HEHEHE! I just love sitting on the couch watching cartoons and cuddling with them. They are TOTAL couch potatoes like mom and dad already.

I think I have made some good memories for the kids this year and hope to continue in the future. I was thinking last night while giving Chloe a breathing treatment that I don't have memories like this with my mom. Chalking it up to that she was a really young mom, but it just isn't there. I pray when my kids get older they can look back and remember all these fun times and things we did. My mortality has been tested lately hearing of several young moms passing away. Hope and prayers that I'm around for a very long time to maybe become a pest to my children and grandchildren. LOL!

I never make New Year resoultions....Really what is the point when they are broken in a week. But I need to get my eating back under control and cut down on my soda. I live off soda and it really is starting to effect my health in the negative. And I don't like all the weight I have on right now. Just way to heavy and the mom gut is KILLING me! Never had a gut before and I really think that is what drives me INSANE. Oh the stress when the kids were first born! It sucked! But it was a FANTASTIC diet! Can a girl get some stress like that again! Too bad speed is so addicting. The skinny part is a great side effect I think. See! This is my crazy thinking! "This is the face of a women on the edge!" LOL!

Who can tell me where that quote is from!!! :)

I really SUCK at this!

2007-12-13T16:24:00.001-08:00

April 2007 are you kidding me! I need to start doing this more often. Well here our recent photos of the kiddos and our first official professional family photo. Try to be back sooner with some good stories! But I wouldn't hold your breath.

Okay I need to resize my pics! I'm so illerate with computers sometimes!

2007-04-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

So I'm am a big computer/internet idiot at times. And lets just say I only have certain passwords I use, but couldn't figure out what combo of e-mail address and password I used. Lame I know it! :P I'll get over it. I'm telling you kids suck out your brain cells and leave you with a shell of what it use to be.

Let me just say that the age of 3 is far worse the 2 ever was. I have a fashionista who is driving me crazy. She not only wants to pick out her own clothes, but today start having a fit because I wasn't putting a dress on her sister as well. What is up with that?? I can do girly on occasion, being a tomboy in my previous life, I like to dress up sometimes. But I don't know if I can do it 24/7. Thank my lucky stars she isn't into all the hair stuff yet. It is already difficult getting the two girls ready for preschool.

Oh and can I write horrible stuff about California Children Services (CCS)?? That is really a touchy subject when it comes to things for Connor. Why do you have to fight tooth and nail for things they and you now they are suppose to be doing. I wish I had the people skills to run for office because I really want to trim the fat and red tape BS that is not only in this organization but plenty of others.

Connor has learned to shake his head "No". It was cute the first few times he did it, but now as in every child who hits the no, no, no stage, EVERYTHING IS NO, NO, NO!!! I need to bust out the video camera and get film of it. But I really suck when it comes to taking pictures and video. Don't ask! I don't understand my problems so I cannot explain them to someone else.

Wearing Thin

2006-12-27T19:00:00.000-08:00

It is mostly the Holiday that is wearing me down, but add a cold and very little sleep over the Christmas weekend and I begin to have issues. Not like I don't have issue to begin with. LOL! So I'm probably in the same boat as a lot of people. Looking at your bank account after all the shopping and wondering were in the HECK did all your money go! I need to figure out something else for next year. I was truly disgusted after the kids had opened up all their presents and the amount of stuff they got, which I helped to contribute to.
How does someone who grew up a spoiled brat stop the cycle. I guess being aware is first thing. But doesn't every generation always say "I want my kids to have what I didn't..." Which just opens the door for excess. Because that then means you have to give them what you did have and more. If someone came for meager means I can see that more so. But then you run the possibility of going off the deep in.

My kids are so precious and I'm SO THANKFUL they are alive and well after the rough start they had it can be really hard to say no to them and not give them the world. But at the same time I feel like I'm totally missing out and certain things just are not being handled as they should. There is just so much nurturing that the kids need right now as they are getting older and learning things, also NOT learning things because the time is just not there for a lot of this stuff. I felt totally use less when my husband informed me that the girls preschool teacher is going to start working on getting them potty trained. Isn't that suppose to be our job? I would love the help, but have not figured out a way to get the process going while I'm not at home. Especially with hubby. The kids would have an accident before he would remember that it had been awhile since they used the potty. Which is also another problem of mine. I feel I have to do everything because people just don't pay attention to details the way I do. And it will just be more work in the end for me. So just do it myself and that will be less work, yet I don't have the time. I really wish I was the type of person who could function on 4-5 hours of sleep so I had more time in the day.

Oh and on top of all this I feel that I'm screwing up my kids. I started off strong with the rules and consequences for breaking them, but I just don't have the energy anymore to be consistent. Not to mention the fact that I'm also suppose to disclipine the kids for things they do that hubby doesn't want to deal with. AAAAHHHH!!!!!

Things have gotten so out of control and I have no idea how to regain it!

Opening Blog

2006-12-08T19:41:00.000-08:00

Well this is my opening post! I have been doing a blog for my kids to keep family and friends up to date as far as their development and health issue's. So there will be some of that. But mostly about me and my crazy life of raising triplets and trying to keep my own health on the up and up. Oh and I'm evidently a Type A personality...something I learned recently during marriage counseling. Did I say I also work full time and attend school in the pursuit of getting my bachelors degree?? LOL! :)

I can a be a bit crazy(hence the medication) and I defintely speak my mind, there really is no holding back for me and that is not just because this is a blog, I'm pretty much like this in real life. No time for games or stories tell it like it is and move on life is too short. It sounds harsh but I do try to speak my mind in a way to get the point across and attempt not to hurt feelings(Not always successful). I'm a recent (Guess not that recent it will be 2yrs in Feb) convert to the LDS faith and it has been a wonderful thing for myself and my family. We are not the most faithful at being to church every Sunday. It is really hard to get 5 people out the door all at the same time. Not to mention all the equipment that goes along with a kid who is on a vent 24/7. I have my struggles with changing the things in my life that go along with my faith, but I know the Lord is with me and I have some really great people at church helping me with my new journey.

I have been married to my husband for almost nine years now. I keep teasing him I have to trade him in for a younger model :). But this one is so much work I don't know that I could handle another, this one is trained so well. Not really but I like to think so on occasion. LOL!